Letter to Past Marcus: Debugging the Baby Bed Infrastructure
Dear Marcus from six months ago, I'm writing this to you while you're currently sitting cross-legged on the nursery floor, staring at a stripped Allen wrench at 2:00 AM. You're probably sweating. You've got a level pressed against a mattress,...
Dear Past Sarah: Everything To Know About The Baby Whale Phase
Dear Sarah of exactly six months ago, You're currently hiding in the downstairs half-bath. I know this because I remember the exact smell of the lavender air freshener you're stress-spraying, and I know you're wearing those black Lululemon leggings with...
The Butternut Squash Disaster and Finding Decent Adult Bibs
It's 6:14 PM on a Thursday. My kitchen smells like roasted garlic and sheer desperation. I'm wearing a gray hoodie with a mystery stain on the sleeve that I'm just telling everyone is toothpaste but it's definitely yogurt from two...
What You Actually Need to Know About a Baby With Red Hair Now
I was standing in the middle of aisle four at H-E-B, holding two packs of store-brand diapers and trying to calculate if I had enough energy to make it to the frozen food section for a frozen pizza. My baby...
The Brutal Truth About That Purple 90s Bear in Your Attic
I was standing in my motherβs oppressively hot, dust-choked attic at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday, wearing my husband Daveβs stained Villanova hoodie because I was freezing despite the heat, sneezing so violently I thought my brain might...
Debugging the Johnson's Baby Oil Skin Hydration Myth for Dads
My hands are slick with a ridiculous amount of synthetic fragrance and highly refined petroleum, and my eleven-month-old son is currently sliding across the living room hardwoods like an aggressive, giggling hockey puck. It's a Tuesday evening. I'm trying to...
The weird, messy truth about baby mineral oil: A letter to past me
Dear Sarah from last November, You're sitting on the beige bathroom rug at 2 AM. You're wearing those faded black leggings that have a hole near the left knee, you're freezing, and you're drinking your third cup of lukewarm coffee...
Why Gladys the Cincinnati Zoo Gorilla Is My New Parenting Hero
It was 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, I was wearing my husband Markβs college lacrosse hoodie that smells faintly of old garlic, and I was staring at a gorilla on my phone while my coffee went completely cold. Like, literally...
The Truth About The Perfectly Put-Together Infant
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing a maternity bra that hadn't been genuinely white since the Obama administration. My second kid, Maya, was exactly three weeks old and smack in the middle of a cluster-feeding...