Magazine

A tired dad holding a teething toy while looking at a garden drain

How the Baby Jessica Rescue Made Me Fear My Own Back Garden

Tuesday morning, 11:14 AM. Florence has somehow managed to wedge her entire left leg into an exposed drainage pipe near the rhododendrons. I'm frozen in the doorway holding a half-empty mug of lukewarm builder's tea, watching my two-year-old attempt to...

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The truth about surviving the baby groot merchandise invasion

I was elbow-deep under the sofa cushions on a Tuesday morning, executing a routine sweep for rogue Cheerios and whatever sticky substance had claimed the TV remote, when my fingers brushed against something hard, plastic, and distinctly anatomical. I pulled...

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A tired mom stepping over a baby gate holding a cup of coffee

The Great Staircase Panic: A Messy Guide to Baby Gates

It was 7:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, I was wearing one wool sock and one ankle sock, and I had my back turned to the living room for exactly four seconds to pour my second cup of coffee....

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A confused dad looking at a tiny baby roach on the kitchen floor.

The 3AM Kitchen Intruder: Dealing With Baby Roaches

It was 3:14 AM, and I was doing something I explicitly knew I shouldn't be doing. Maya, who's two years old but possesses the demanding palate of a Michelin-star food critic, refused to go back to sleep unless her milk...

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Mother looking concerned at a baby resting in a plush newborn lounger pillow

The ugly truth about baby loungers and your precious sleep

I was sitting in my living room last Thanksgiving when my sister-in-law proudly whispered that her newborn had been asleep for three hours in one of those plush, overstuffed infant nests on the sofa. She looked at me like she...

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Old stuffed bear sitting on a nursery shelf away from a crib

The vintage toy bin disaster and why 90s plushies stay away

It was a Tuesday afternoon when my mother-in-law hauled a massive plastic tote up from her basement. The lid snapped off to reveal a sea of crushed velvet, holographic tags, and that unmistakable scent of damp cardboard. She was holding...

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A skeptical pediatric nurse looking at her phone showing a viral wildlife video.

Why That Viral Bush Baby TikTok Is A Terrible Idea For Your Toddler

My cousin in Miami texted me a video of a tiny primate eating a grape on Tuesday and told me I should get one for Maya's second birthday. Three hours later, a girl in my local mom group forwarded the...

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A tired dad staring at a vintage 90s plush toy while twin babies play on a wooden gym

The Birthday Beanie Baby Trap: A Letter to My Tired Past Self

Dear Tom from exactly six months ago, You're currently hunched over your laptop in the glow of a half-eaten digestive biscuit, ignoring the faint sounds of Maya and Chloe practicing their synchronized 2 AM grunting from the other room. You...

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A stressed mom holding a coffee mug looking down at the nursery baseboards

Finding a Baby Cockroach in the Nursery (And Not Losing Your Mind)

It was 2:14 AM. I was standing in the middle of Maya's nursery wearing Dave's giant, horribly stained Villanova hoodie from 2008, holding a half-empty bottle of breastmilk that had somehow already gone completely cold. I was practically sleepwalking when...

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