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The Complete Disaster of Buying a Baby Gate for Stairs
I'm halfway down the staircase, suspended entirely in mid-air at 2:14 in the morning, clutching a sticky bottle of strawberry Calpol in one hand and a shrieking twenty-pound toddler in the other. My left foot has just hooked firmly under...
Surviving the American baby copperhead panic as a clueless dad
The humidity in North Carolina in late August is a physical assault, the kind of oppressive heat that makes your clothes feel like a wet apology. I was standing on my American in-laws' patio, clutching a rapidly melting gin and...
The truth about baby bump timelines and why apps lie to you
I was standing in our kitchen holding a retractable Stanley tape measure against my wife's stomach, trying to log exactly how many centimeters her abdomen had grown since the previous Tuesday. She looked down at me like I was trying...
Why the Three Men and a Baby Cast Lied to Us About Fatherhood
It was 3:14 AM, my 11-month-old son was attached to a bottle, and the glowing screen of my iPad was illuminating my deeply exhausted face. I was watching an 80s comedy classic to stay awake, watching Tom Selleck hold a...
Surviving Twin Bath Time And The Suction Cup Seat Illusion
Before I had even figured out how to turn on the taps in a way that wouldn’t instantly scold or freeze my daughters, I was already fielding contradictory instructions from everyone I knew about how to wash them. My mother-in-law...
To Past Me: Losing Sleep Over That 7 Month Old Baby Kidnapped Update
You're sitting in the rocker right now, the wood creaking on that one lopsided floorboard in the nursery, clutching a cold cup of coffee from yesterday while the baby finally sleeps on your chest. The glowing screen of your phone...
What To Do With A Crochet Blanket For Newborn Babies, Y'all
I was exactly thirty-four weeks pregnant with my oldest, Tucker, sweating right through a floral maternity dress that felt more like a circus tent, when my Great Aunt Ruth handed me a massive, heavy, neon-yellow yarn afghan. Right on cue,...
The reality of personalized blankets with names for your baby
I was standing over a donation bin at three in the afternoon, aggressively stuffing a neon pink minky fleece throw into a plastic bag. It was a gift from a distant relative, given to me three months before my daughter...
Backyard Baby Ducks: A Dad's Guide to Feathers, Fluff, and Chaos
If you've ever seen a cartoon or read a children's book, you probably think a baby duck’s default state is bobbing happily in a crystal-clear pond while eating breadcrumbs, which is exactly why I nearly short-circuited when my wife pointed...