Pretty Baby: Brooke Shields and the Myth of Normal Parenting
I'm currently paused on a frame of a 1980s television talk show host asking an 11-year-old child an incredibly inappropriate question about her body. The harsh glow of the TV is illuminating the half-empty bottles on our coffee table, my...
NICU Wardrobe Hacks: Dressing Your Preemie Without Breaking Things
I was standing next to an isolette that cost more than my first car, holding a microscopic, bright red fleece snowsuit my aunt had mailed us. The incubator was humming. The Philips monitors were doing that rhythmic, low-stakes beeping that...
Why The Oho Enthan Baby Movie Is Our Date Night Survival Test
The biggest lie the parenting industrial complex ever sold us is the concept of the 8:00 PM transition. You know the one I meanβthe mythical hour where the house suddenly falls silent, the ambient lighting turns universally flattering, and you...
How To Handle It When Your Kids Find A Wild Raptor In The Yard
Tuesday morning. 7:14 AM. I'm standing in my kitchen wearing a grey fleece robe that smells vaguely of sour milk and defeat, holding my third cup of lukewarm coffee. It's the kind of morning where everything is just slightly damp...
The Truth About Baby Fat and Why My Doctor Said Stop Stressing
I was sitting on the crinkly paper of the exam table at our pediatricianβs office, practically sweating through my shirt, while my middle child Wyatt sat there looking like a dinner roll that had just exploded out of its tin....
The Surprising First Responder Truth About Baby On Board Stickers
My mom handed me the classic yellow diamond at my wife's baby shower, saying it would force aggressive Portland drivers to stop tailgating our Subaru. Two days later, my father-in-law told me to throw it directly in the trash because...
The Great Baby Changing Station Lie: A Dad's Guide To Diapers
Iβm holding a wipe in my teeth, my left forearm is pinning a kicking 11-month-old to a foam pad, and Iβm desperately trying to unfold a clean diaper with two fingers. The biggest myth they sell you at the shower...
That 3AM Moment We Met a Baby Centipede (And Panicked)
The luminous dial on the baby monitor read 2:14 AM. I was standing in the semi-darkness of the nursery, holding a soiled nappy at armβs length, trying to calculate if I had the energy to take it to the outside...
Debugging Baby Shower Venues: A Portland Dad's Honest Breakdown
My mother-in-law cornered me by the fridge to say the party absolutely had to happen in a formal tea room with finger sandwiches and little forks. Two hours later, my lead developer sent a Slack message insisting we just host...