The Great Baby Diaper Delusion: What Nobody Tells You About The Poop
"You absolutely have to use cloth, it's the only way to avoid the toxins," my mother-in-law said, handing me a stack of what looked like medieval torture bandages while I was exactly thirty-eight weeks pregnant and sweating through my maternity...
The Great Baby Audio Lie We All Fell For (And What Works)
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, and I was standing perfectly still in the dead center of Mayaβs nursery wearing a pair of maternity fleece pants that had a massive hole in the left thigh, terrified to...
The Panic Over Getting a Baby Helmet for Flat Head Syndrome
Dr. Lin pulled out a pair of large plastic calipers, and my stomach immediately dropped. We were at the four-month checkup, and I had fully expected a standard firmware updateβweigh him, check his reflexes, use the scheduled vaccines, and send...
Surviving the great baby pancake experiment of our weaning era
I'm currently scraping a piece of fossilised banana oat batter off the kitchen ceiling with a plastic spatula. It's 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the great weaning experiment has officially breached containment. Maya is covered in a sticky paste...
Dad-Tested Home Remedies for a Teething Baby Waking Up at Night
It's 3:14 AM and I'm standing in the kitchen holding a partially frozen blueberry mini bagel. The baby monitor on the counter looks like a jagged red soundwave of pure agony. The bagel is currently defrosting and dripping a sticky...
Exactly How Many Babies Are Born in the US Each Year?
It was 4:12 a.m. on a particularly bleak Tuesday when I found myself sliding down a demographic rabbit hole. Maya, who's technically twin A but behaves aggressively like a middle child, had decided that sleep was a social construct she...
How to Choose a Baby Stroller Before You Completely Lose Your Mind
Hey Marcus from six months ago. You're currently sweating through your flannel shirt in aisle 14 of the massive baby gear warehouse, staring at a wall of aluminum and canvas like it's a server rack that just randomly caught fire....
Britney Spears Hit Me Baby One More Time: A Dad's Sleep Hack
Dear Marcus from six months ago. It's 3:14 AM, you're currently standing by the changing table in the dark, and you're holding a five-month-old who's screaming at a frequency that's definitely violating several local Portland noise ordinances. You have tried...
Stop Taking My Chips I'm Just A Baby: A Dad's Survival Guide
Dear Tom from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the hallway floor at 4 PM, wedged between a pile of unopened mail and a rogue wellington boot, trying to negotiate with a toddler who has just hurled a...