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The Absolute Madness of Putting a White Baby Tee on an Infant
We're twenty minutes into what was supposed to be a civilized Sunday picnic in Regent's Park. I'm holding a lukewarm flat white, desperately trying to project an aura of calm competence. Florence and Matilda, my two-year-old twins, are wearing identical,...
Why Baby Boy Rompers Are The Only Outfit You Actually Need
I'm standing over the changing table at what feels like three in the morning, trying to thread a miniature leather belt through the belt loops of three-month-old corduroy pants. He is doing the alligator death roll. There's a very specific...
Building A Bulletproof Baby Depot For Surviving The Newborn Chaos
It was three in the morning in the dead of a Chicago winter when I finally lost my mind. I was standing in my living room holding a screaming infant, staring at a corner of the house that looked like...
Losing My Mind Inside Infant Stores (And What You Actually Need)
My mother-in-law cornered me at my own baby shower, pointed at my seven-month belly, and told me I needed to buy absolutely everything brand new or the baby would contract some kind of Victorian wasting disease. Twenty minutes later, my...
Dear Jess: Stop buying the velvet holiday dresses for your baby
It's currently July, you're sweating completely through your maternity shorts in the hundred-degree Texas heat, and for some ungodly reason, you're scrolling the internet looking at a stiff, synthetic red velvet monstrosity with eighty-two sequins on it. I need you...
The Truth About Fall Baby Clothes (And What Actually Works)
The biggest lie the internet ever told us about fall is that your infant needs to look like a miniature adult lumberjack. I'm just gonna be real with you, the idea of stuffing a four-month-old into a tiny, stiff denim...
Dear Past Priya: The Clinical Reality of Baby Clothes Shopping
Dear Priya of six months ago. You're currently standing in the glow of a cracked iPhone screen at 3:14 AM. You're holding a newborn who just produced a blowout that somehow breached the known laws of physics, and you're staring...
The Brutal Truth About Buying Actually Useful New Baby Gifts
I'm staring at a pair of infant converse sneakers. They're the size of a jalapeΓ±o. They have actual, functional laces. Someone spent real money on these at a baby shower last weekend, and I know exactly where they're going to...
Why Thick Baby PJs Are Ruining Your Sleep (And What Actually Works)
It was 2:14 AM and I was standing in the hallway wearing those gray Target sweatpants with the bleach stain on the thigh, holding a mug of coffee that had been microwaved so many times it tasted like warm pennies....