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Why finding suntan lotion for newborns ruined my beach trip
It was 10:14 AM on a Tuesday in mid-July and I was already on my third iced coffee, which at that point tasted mostly like sand and sheer exhaustion. I was standing on a crowded beach in Florida wearing thick...
The Panic of Buying Sunblock Newborn Twins Can Actually Tolerate
Standing in aisle four of our local Boots, sweat pooling in the small of my back, I found myself staring at thirty-seven different brightly coloured bottles while two four-week-old girls actively lost their minds in a double buggy. The great...
Why putting tiny shades on twins feels like a hostage negotiation
I'm currently crouched behind the garden shed, clutching a pair of miniature, neon-pink plastic frames like they're a live grenade, trying to figure out which of my two-year-old daughters is least likely to bite me if I approach her face....
My pediatrician's brutal rules for surviving summer water play
I was standing in my tiny Chicago backyard with a garden hose in one hand and a giant, deflating aesthetic swan in the other. My son was barely four months old, shivering violently in a designer swimsuit that cost more...
The Absolute Sweat-Soaked Truth About Buying Baby Girl Dresses
It was 2 PM, the sun was literally laughing at us, and I was holding a plastic cup of iced coffee that was basically just brown water at that point. We were at my cousin Rachelβs outdoor wedding in August...
The Honest Truth About Taking A Baby To Baby Beach Aruba
I was standing in the middle of the Target diaper aisle wearing these awful linen maternity shorts that I somehow still fit into three years postpartum, holding a lukewarm iced coffee that cost twelve dollars, when my phone buzzed with...
The Great Hydration Panic: Why Infant Water Rules Feel Backwards
It was the great London heatwave of 2022, the kind of oppressive humidity that makes you reconsider all your life choices, when I caught my mother-in-law creeping toward the pram with a miniature plastic cup of tap water. The twins...
How A Sugar Baby Watermelon Defeated Me And My Twin Toddlers
If you ever find yourself wondering whether a standard kitchen sponge is abrasive enough to remove dried fruit pulp from a matte-painted wall, let me save you a frantic Google search. It isn't. You need a dedicated scraper and a...
Dear Jess: What I Wish I Knew Before the Baby Hummingbird Incident
Dear Jess of last May, put down the plastic eye dropper and step away from the kitchen counter before you inadvertently commit a federal wildlife crime. Right now, the baby is strapped to your sweaty chest in the carrier, the...