What On Earth Is A Baby Booter? Decoding Weird Parenting Slang
I was standing in my kitchen at 6 AM, wearing yesterday's yoga pants and one of Dave's oversized college t-shirts that has a mysterious bleach stain on the hem, holding a lukewarm mug of coffee. I was just staring blankly...
Surviving the Grandparent Clash During Your Own Baby Boom
The greatest myth they sell you at the antenatal classes (right after the lie that youβll ever sleep for more than forty consecutive minutes again) is that grandparents are the ultimate, harmonious village. They picture a serene handover of generational...
The Great Baby Sleep Sack Delusion (And What Actually Works)
Before the twins arrived, my wife and I spent an embarrassing amount of time folding beautifully crocheted, pastel-coloured blankets over the edge of their cots. I had this distinct, cinematic vision of fatherhood where I'd gently tuck a cellular quilt...
The Birthday Beanie Baby Trap: A Letter to My Tired Past Self
Dear Tom from exactly six months ago, You're currently hunched over your laptop in the glow of a half-eaten digestive biscuit, ignoring the faint sounds of Maya and Chloe practicing their synchronized 2 AM grunting from the other room. You...
The absolute madness of tracking baby milestones in year one
I'm staring at a colour-coded spreadsheet at 2:14 in the morning while one of my daughters attempts to eat a rogue piece of lint she found in the folds of my pyjama top. The spreadsheet is titled 'Infant Progress Tracker'...
The "Baby Daddy" Firmware Update: What I Actually Know Now
3:14 AM. I'm standing in our kitchen illuminated only by the microwave clock, holding a lukewarm bottle of formula, and staring at a Google Sheet I built to track our son's diaper output. The rows are color-coded by consistency. My...
Surviving Twins with the Baby Brezza Formula Pro Countertop Robot
There's a very specific type of panic that sets in at 3:14 AM when you realise the expensive countertop milk robot you bought to save your sanity might actually be watering down your babies' food. I was standing in the...
Debugging the erratic hardware of your newborn's respiratory system
My mother-in-law confidently told me that if the nursery is completely quiet, the baby is sleeping perfectly and I should go make a sandwich. My lead developer at work, however, told me that I needed to purchase a hospital-grade under-mattress...
A Letter to Past Me About The Baby Boy Cast (And Pee Fountains)
Hey man. It's you from six months in the future. You're currently sitting in room 3 at the pediatric orthopedist in downtown Portland, sweating straight through your flannel shirt, watching a technician wrap your five-month-old's lower half in what looks...