Why "Love You Like A Love Song" Saved My Sanity (A Letter)
Dear Jess from last November. You're currently sitting on the peeling linoleum in the hallway, hiding from a four-month-old who's screaming like a tiny banshee because you put him on his stomach. The Texas heat is absolutely brutal outside, our...
Dear Past Me: How to Survive the Whiny Baby Phase Without Losing It
You're currently standing in the kitchen staring into the glow of the open refrigerator at 3:14 AM, listening to the relentless, high-pitched vocalizations coming from the nursery monitor. You're holding a cold bottle of formula in one hand and your...
My Entirely Accidental Education on the Yamaha Baby Grand Piano
I was literally on my hands and knees on the living room rug, wearing those gray Lululemons with the hole in the left knee that my husband Dave absolutely hates, holding a bright yellow Stanley tape measure while my third...
What is the baby boo challenge? (And why I nearly called 999)
It’s 7:14 am. I’m currently wearing what used to be a relatively clean grey t-shirt, now aggressively Jackson Pollock-ed with mashed banana and something I strongly suspect is yesterday’s sweet potato. The twins, Maya and Lily, are simultaneously screaming because...
The Baby Brezza Formula Reality Check for Sleep-Deprived Dads
I'm standing in the kitchen at 3:17 AM in a pair of grey jogging bottoms that have seen much better days, desperately trying to count to six. Just the number six. But when you've twin two-year-old girls—who were, at the...
The Microtransaction Trap: My Nephew and the Baby Dragon Evo
I was elbow-deep in a Level 4 diaper blowout when my ten-year-old nephew, visiting from Seattle, leaned into the blast radius and asked if I could spot him twenty bucks for a baby dragon evo. I froze, holding a soiled...
Surviving the Baby Blue Bronco: A Parent's Guide to Tiny SUVs
Don't, under any circumstances, let a targeted social media algorithm convince you that buying a compact, retro-styled off-roader will somehow resurrect your pre-parenting coolness. I'm currently typing this with my kneecaps firmly wedged against the glovebox of what I can...
How to Talk About the Babi Yar Massacre Without Breaking Your Kids
I was standing at the kitchen island at 2:14 PM on a Tuesday, wearing my husband’s stained college sweatshirt, trying to order a baby shower gift on my phone while Leo, who's four and completely feral, was repeatedly ramming a...
Dear Past Sarah: The Ash Baby GIF Meme Is Not A Medical Crisis
Dear Sarah of exactly six months ago, I'm staring at my glowing phone screen in the absolute pitch black of my kitchen at 3 AM, clutching my fourth cup of lukewarm decaf and absolutely convinced that my youngest child is...