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The messy truth about the infant teething timeline
I spent five years in pediatric triage, and if I had a dollar for every time a parent told me their infant's 103-degree fever and explosive diarrhea was just teething, I could pay cash for my kid's future orthodontics. You're...
Debugging The Farm Book: What Do We Actually Call A Baby Goat?
It's 5:43 AM and my brain is currently running on safe mode. My 11-month-old son is sitting on my lap, aggressively pointing a sticky, banana-coated index finger at page four of a cardboard farm book. I'm staring at an illustration...
Debugging The Drool Firmware: When Do Babies Teeth Come In?
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the Portland rain was actively mocking my sanity by drumming a steady, chaotic beat against the bedroom window. The baby, who usually just gives a polite little squawk when he wants milk,...
The Midnight Babi Meltdowns: Surviving Drool and Sleeplessness
Whatever you do, do NOT google "why are my kid's gums blue" at three in the morning. I was sitting on the edge of the glider in Maya's nurseryβthe gray one we bought off Craigslist that always squeaked if you...
Why I threw my baby's amber teething necklace in the trash
It was exactly 3:14 AM. I know this because the glowing red numbers on the microwave were basically mocking me from the kitchen. The bathroom floor tiles were freezing against my bare legs, and I was wearing a gray nursing...
The 3 AM Teething Triage: Surviving the First Tooth
It was three in the morning, mid-January in Chicago, and the wind was howling off Lake Michigan. My toddler was thrashing in her crib like she was possessed, her sleep sack completely saturated with drool. I stood there running through...
Dear Past Jess: A Survival Guide to the Teething Phase
Dear Jess from six months ago, who's currently sitting on the living room rug, staring blankly at a mountain of tiny socks while watching your youngest child gnaw aggressively on the wooden leg of the coffee table like a feral...
What I Got Entirely Wrong About The Whole Teething Nightmare
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing dead in the middle of my kitchen wearing a stained Britney Spears baby tee from 1999 that I'd somehow repurposed as pajamas, holding a screaming four-month-old Leo while my...
The Night My G Baby Discovered Her Gums (and Destroyed My Sanity)
It was 3:14 in the morning on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on the edge of the bath in our London flat, entirely motionless, letting my daughter chew aggressively on my left clavicle. We had recently started calling her...