Magazine

Frustrated dad holding a noisy plastic toy while an 11-month-old baby sleeps

A Portland Dad's Honest Guide to Picking Gifts for Infants

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday when our system completely crashed. My son had just executed a flawless, database-corrupting diaper blowout, and my wife and I were running on maybe ninety total minutes of fragmented sleep. The nursery thermostat...

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A tired father holding two baby girls wrapped in neutral organic bamboo blankets.

What Parents Actually Want When You Buy Baby Gifts for Girls

My sister-in-law cornered me by the kettle just before the twins arrived, waving a mug of herbal tea, and firmly stated that I must only buy neutral organic linen so my girls wouldn't be forced into oppressive gender roles before...

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A bewildered dad staring at a pile of loud plastic baby boy toys in his Portland living room.

Why The Best Baby Gifts For Boys Don’t Have Batteries Or Sirens

I'm currently sitting on my living room rug, surrounded by what I can only describe as a localized explosion of primary-colored plastic, wondering who decided that every single present for a male infant needs to simulate a construction site emergency....

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A confused dad holding a vintage 90s plush toy with a heart tag at 2 AM

Dear Past Tom: The Great Beanie Baby Birthday Calendar Incident

Dear Tom of six months ago, You're currently hunched over the kitchen island, illuminated only by the harsh, judgemental glow of your phone and the standby light on the Tommee Tippee prep machine. One of the twins is asleep, radiating...

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Exhausted dad holding two crying twins surrounded by useless musical baby toys

How to choose a baby gift without getting blocked on WhatsApp

I'm currently standing in my narrow London hallway holding a four-foot-tall plush giraffe that aggressively blares a tinny version of 'It's a Small World' whenever you look at it funny. It's Tuesday morning, my two-year-old twin girls are currently screaming...

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Tom trying to keep a glowing glassy baby safe from twin toddlers

Surviving the Trend: Keeping a Glassy Baby Safe Around Real Twins

My mother-in-law told me it was a deeply spiritual heirloom that would absorb the chaotic energy of our household. My sister whispered it was the ultimate high-status nursery accessory that proved we were officially grown-ups. My mate Dave simply texted...

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Pregnant mom sitting on couch surrounded by blank baby shower thank you cards and gifts

Writing Baby Shower Thank You Cards Without Losing Your Mind

I was exactly thirty-six weeks pregnant with my oldest, sitting dead center on the faux-wood floor of our tiny rental duplex, surrounded by seventy-five pastel blue envelopes. I was absolutely sobbing. My lower back felt like it was splitting in...

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Sarah holding a giant iced coffee looking terrified in the middle of a crowded baby convention center.

Surviving a Massive Baby Show Without Losing Your Damn Mind

I'm standing in aisle 400 of the convention center, seven months pregnant with Maya, sweating through a maternity shirt that was absolutely not designed for indoor arena temperatures, while my husband Dave is holding three different neon tote bags filled...

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A soft bamboo blanket and organic cotton retro shorts folded on a nursery chair

The tiny tuxedo myth and other hard truths about baby boy gifts

I was sitting at my cousin's baby shower in Naperville last month, watching her unwrap a tiny, stiff tweed blazer. The tags said zero to three months. It had elbow patches. Everyone cooed, but I just stared at it, calculating...

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