Magazine

A very tired father staring into the middle distance while holding a crying baby.

Decoding the Relentless Midnight Screams of Your Tiny Human

It’s 3:14 in the morning and both twins are vibrating with the kind of acoustic violence usually reserved for heavy metal festivals. I'm standing in the dark, rocking on my heels in a rhythm that has permanently damaged my lower...

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A chaotic changing floor with half-empty packets of wet wipes and a kicking toddler

The Exhausting Truth About Buying Baby Wipes in the Modern Age

It's 3:14 in the morning, the room smells vaguely of sour milk and despair, and I'm furiously yanking at a packet of supermarket wet cloths that have decided to chain themselves together like a magician's endless handkerchief. I only need...

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A frustrated mother holding a wooden teether while her toddler watches a screen

Surviving the baby shark song without losing your entire mind

Dear Priya from six months ago. You're currently sitting in the pediatric ICU breakroom, eating a stale protein bar, pregnant, smug, and swearing your future child will only listen to classical music and ambient nature sounds. I need you to...

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A bewildered dad holding a coffee while looking at a smartphone screen.

The Baby Gronk Illusion and What It Means for Normal Parents

It was exactly 5:43 AM. I was sitting on a suspiciously sticky silicone weaning mat on the living room floor, clutching a lukewarm cup of instant coffee, watching a young boy push a weighted metal sled across an astroturf field...

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Baby in an organic cotton bodysuit kicking in a wooden floor bouncer

What I Got Completely Wrong About My First Baby Bouncer Seat

It was a Tuesday at like, 2 PM, and I was sitting on the damp bath mat in my tiny apartment bathroom, wearing a stained gray nursing bra and exactly one sock. Leo was three and a half weeks old....

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A very tired dad staring at a Swedish bouncing baby chair in the kitchen

Dear Past Marcus: You Need a Baby Bjorn Bouncer Immediately

Past Marcus, it's me. You from six months in the future. You're currently standing in the kitchen of our Portland apartment at 3:14 AM. The baby is five weeks old. It's raining outside, obviously. You're trying to rock him while...

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A tired twin dad holding two babies who are chewing on their organic cotton clothes.

The Great Baby Myth And Other Delightful Lies We Tell New Parents

At precisely 3:14 AM on a rainy Tuesday, while scraping what I desperately hoped was mashed sweet potato off the nursery ceiling, I realised the central lie of modern parenting. Before the twins arrived, well-meaning relatives and aggressively pastel-coloured books...

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Twin dad holding a red-faced screaming baby in a dim living room

Surviving the 6pm Meltdown: A Very Tired Dad's Guide to Colic

The absolute worst thing you can do at 6:13 PM on a Tuesday, when your infant begins their nightly impersonation of a faulty car alarm, is to load up YouTube on your phone, prop it against a cold cup of...

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Toddler boy aggressively putting a hat on a lifelike silicone baby doll on a messy living room rug

Why a Creepy Lifelike Baby Doll Saved My Sanity With Sibling Prep

I was sitting on my incredibly stained West Elm rug at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday, wearing maternity leggings that definitely had dried yogurt on the left thigh, watching my three-year-old son Leo attempt a WWE-style suplex on...

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