Dear Past Me: The Dreamland Baby Sleep Sack Is A Terrible Bug Fix
Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago, You're sitting in the glider chair right now, aren't you? It's 3:17 AM in Portland, the rain is aggressively smacking against the nursery window, and you're staring at your phone screen with the...
Divorced With a Secret Baby: Emotional Triage for the Family
My own mother told me to sweep the entire situation under the rug. The therapist assigned to us by the clinic suggested we hold a radical honesty circle with a talking stick. My lawyer advised me to communicate exclusively through...
Why Cheap Theme Park Outfits Crashed My Baby's Operating System
I'm currently standing completely motionless outside the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, holding an eleven-month-old who's vibrating with pure, unadulterated rage. The humidity is sitting at what feels like two hundred percent, my shirt is glued to my spine, and...
The Messy Truth About HiPP And Why I Smuggled European Milk
When Leo was about four months old, it was 3:14 AM and I was standing in my kitchen wearing a college t-shirt that smelled aggressively like sour milk and maternal desperation. My husband Greg was making his third pour-over coffee...
How Do You Make A Baby Thrive When You're Running On Fumes
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the floor of the laundry room, eating a stale granola bar you found in your maternity jeans, while the breast pump makes that horrific wheezing sound and your four-month-old screams...
Exactly How Long Does RSV Last in Babies? A Dad's Viral Data Log
My mother-in-law texted me at 6 AM asking, "how is the babi doing?" because she stubbornly refuses to use autocorrect on her iPad. Two hours later, the barista at my local coffee shop confidently informed me that respiratory viruses are...
Hydrocephalus Baby: The 2 AM ER Trip That Changed Our Entire Lives
I remember the exact hum of the vending machine in the Lubbock pediatric ER. It was somewhere around three in the morning. I hadn't washed my hair in four days, I was wearing leggings permanently covered in lint from packing...
Decoding cry baby lyrics while holding an actual screaming infant
My mother-in-law told me to just put him in the crib and shut the door because crying builds lung capacity, which is anatomically hilarious and factually incorrect. My lactation consultant said I should offer the breast the second his lower...
Navigating the Newborn Crying Phase Without Losing Your Damn Mind
My mother-in-law cornered me in my own kitchen while I was trying to microwave a mug of coffee that had already been reheated three times. I was wearing yogurt-stained maternity leggings that were legally too old to still be called...