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The Great Lil Baby Height Panic: A Dad's Late Night Mistakes
The metal tape measure snapped back with the terrifying velocity of a striking cobra, narrowly missing my left eye and causing Twin B to shriek with such piercing intensity that the neighbour's dog immediately began howling in sympathy. It was...
Gravity, sofas, and the dizzying truth about spinning babies
"Don't try to pull me by the shoulders, Tom, you'll misalign my pelvis," Sarah hissed. She was currently suspended upside down with her knees on our mustard yellow sofa and her forearms flat on the living room rug, her face...
What Age Do Babies Start Talking? My Audio Troubleshooting Log
Yesterday, my mom texted me that I clearly said "tractor" at eight months old. This morning, the barista at our local Portland roastery informed me his daughter was speaking in full, complete sentences before her first birthday. Meanwhile, my Reddit...
A Letter To My Past Self: When Can Babies Hold Their Head Up
Dear Past Sarah, You're currently sitting on the faded gray IKEA rug in the living room, the one that already has a weird stain on it from when the dog threw up last Tuesday. You're wearing Mark's old college sweatshirtβthe...
Why Every Baby Math Formula Is Basically Lying To You
It was 3:14 AM, and I was sitting on the nursery floor wearing my husband Markβs oversized gray college sweatpantsβthe ones with the mystery bleach stain on the kneeβaggressively typing numbers into my glowing phone screen while my coffee from...
The baby 2015 rulebook shift and why my mother is still appalled
My motherβs voice was echoing out of the iPad, bouncing off the kitchen tiles, and rising to a pitch usually reserved for discovering a burglar in the sitting room. I was holding a small, plastic spoon loaded with smooth peanut...
When do you feel baby move: The messy timeline
I was exactly eighteen weeks pregnant with Maya, standing in the middle of a Target aisle wearing oversized maternity jeans that kept sliding down my hips, when my phone vibrated three times in a row. I had one hand clutching...
The absolute panic of searching for my twins' missing kneecaps
The thud was the exact sort of hollow, resonant sound that makes every parentβs stomach drop instantly into their shoes. It was a wet Tuesday evening in November, the kind of London night where the rain sideways-assaults the windows, and...
The Baby Steps Game Disaster and How to Actually Teach Walking
It was somewhere around 3:17 in the morning, a time that I'm increasingly convinced exists solely to punish parents for their past life choices. Maya, the slightly more reasonable of my two-year-old twin daughters, was fast asleep in her cot,...