Magazine

Messy baby in highchair eating smashed berries instead of candy

The Real Truth About Sweets and That Sugar Baby Candy

My grandmother, bless her heart, was sitting on my front porch in her favorite floral duster when she reached into her dark, mysterious purse and pulled out a sticky, half-melted sugar baby candy. My oldest, who was barely eleven months...

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A dad looking stressed while his baby stares intensely at a melting ice cream cone

A father's guide to a little baby's ice cream introduction

Dear Marcus from six months ago. It's me, future Marcus. You're currently sitting on the porch of our Portland rental, it's 95 degrees in August, and you're holding a dripping scoop of Salt & Straw honey lavender. The five-month-old is...

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A dad holding his 11-month-old baby while looking at a Minecraft village on a computer screen.

The Real Truth About How To Make Baby Villagers Grow Faster

Last Tuesday at 3:14 AM, the ambient temperature in my living room was exactly 68.4 degrees, I was running on four hours of deeply fragmented sleep, and I was aggressively throwing virtual carrots at a digital infant. I was desperately...

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Tired mother reading IRS tax forms on the couch next to a baby

The chaotic reality of opening a trump baby account for your toddler

It was midnight on a tuesday when my husband forwarded me an email from our cpa that made my left eye twitch. I was sitting on the nursery floor in my old nursing scrubs, trying to wipe pureed sweet potato...

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Sleep-deprived dad holding a baby in an oversized wrap bodysuit

System Failure at 3 AM: HM Baby Clothes and Newborn Survival

The poop had somehow achieved terminal velocity. It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and my two-week-old daughter was lying on her changing pad, screaming with the piercing intensity of a malfunctioning smoke detector. The payload had defied all known...

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Confused dad looking at a smartphone while a toddler chews on a wooden panda toy

The 3 AM Search for Goo Goo Babies Uma Musume and Real Life

The iPad was glowing with an accusatory harshness against the peeling wallpaper of our London flat, illuminating a very specific kind of 3 AM domestic hell. Lily, the slightly more volatile of my two-year-old twin girls, had just violently expelled...

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Exhausted dad in a dark nursery holding a crying baby

The 3 AM Baby Handoff Protocol: Surviving The Night Shift As A Dad

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was holding my son like he was a live grenade with a faulty pin. He had been screaming for forty-five straight minutes. I had run through the standard troubleshooting checklist: diaper...

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A wooden play gym set up in a living room while a dog watches

The Great Fur Babies Delusion: Why Your Terrier Is Not Practice

I was sitting on the hallway floor at 3:14 in the morning, holding a plastic bag of frozen peas to my forehead while watching our Jack Russell terrier methodically lick the remnants of a violently rejected rice cake off the...

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Mom sitting on living room floor looking tired while toddler walks away

Don't You Want Me Like I Want You Baby Lyrics & Toddler Drama

The absolute biggest lie the parenting industry ever managed to sell us is that your Spotify Wrapped needs to look like an eighteenth-century Austrian composer's fever dream for your kid to get into a good kindergarten. I was standing in...

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