Magazine
Troubleshooting the Baby Boo Phase Without Losing Your Mind
I was holding exactly 14.5 ounces of lukewarm formula in one hand and a screaming, rash-covered 11-month-old in the other when my mother-in-law casually suggested I just rub some whiskey on his gums. The biggest myth about this whole parenting...
Why My Real Life Looks Exactly Like a Baby Blues Comic Today
I'm currently sitting on my slightly sticky living room floor with a half-eaten fish cracker stuck to my left knee. My two-year-old is trying to put the dog in a headlock, and the baby just blew out his diaper with...
The 3 AM pregnancy panic and why I downloaded the baby billy app
It's 3:14 AM. I'm thirty-three weeks pregnant, sweating through my supposedly breathable sheets, and my kid hasn't moved in forty-two minutes. My husband is snoring next to me, completely oblivious to the fact that I'm spiraling into a web of...
What No One Tells You About Your Newborn's Literal Baby Face
It was 2016, and I was sitting on my incredibly disgusting beige couch at 3 AM. I was seven months pregnant with Maya, wearing a pair of maternity leggings that had a questionable hole in the crotch, and I was...
Troubleshooting Baby Eczema: A First-Time Dad's Bug-Fixing Guide
I was sitting at our kitchen island at 2:14 AM, staring blankly at a massive Excel spreadsheet I had built to track every single thing my wife had eaten over the past 72 hours, alongside every spoonful of pureed sweet...
The Truth About Baby Kia: A Letter To My Past Parenting Self
You're sitting in traffic on the M25. The rain is hammering against the windscreen of the Vauxhall Astra, and the heater is blasting a smell that can only be described as warm, wet digestive biscuit. In the passenger seat is...
Dear Past Marcus: Let's Talk About Baby Gold and Choking Hazards
Dear Marcus of six months ago, I know exactly where you're right now. You're sitting on the edge of the living room rug, staring at a tiny velvet box that Aunt Linda just handed you. Inside is a 14-karat baby...
When Do Babies Crawl? A Tech Dad's Guide to the Locomotion Update
My mom told me my younger brother was sprinting across the living room carpet at six months old. The barista at our local Portland coffee shopβwho has definitely never had a childβinsisted that his nephew didn't move an inch until...
Trump Baby Boomers Approval Rating: A Real Parent Survival Guide
Don't try to explain macroeconomic policy to your father-in-law while your toddler is currently trying to shove a fistful of buttered mashed potatoes up his own nose. Just don't do it. I learned this the hard way last Thanksgiving, standing...