When Your Kid Starts Singing Rich Baby Daddy Lyrics
If you want to know how to handle a four-year-old screaming the rich baby daddy lyrics at the very top of his lungs in the middle of Trader Joe's, I've three distinctly different pieces of advice for you. My mother...
Why I Stopped Trying to Replicate the Niche Chinese Babies Trend
It's 6:43 AM on a Tuesday, and Florence has gone fully rigid, achieving a level of plank-like stiffness that would genuinely impress an Olympic gymnast, purely to prevent me from putting her left arm into a winter coat. In a...
Dear Past Jess: Please Do Not Put On That Million Dollar Baby Film
Dear exhausted Jess from six months ago, Youβre currently sitting on the beige sectional that smells vaguely of sour milk and desperation. It's raining sideways here in rural Texas, your Etsy shop orders are backed up to the moon, and...
What Are the Tommy Richman Million Dollar Baby Lyrics About?
My coworker Dave pinged me on Slack Tuesday morning to say I desperately needed to block a certain new Tommy Richman song on Spotify because the themes were way too mature for my house. Two hours later, my mother-in-law called...
Why "Yes Baby Madison Beer" Is Not A Sleep Training Guide
The biggest lie we tell ourselves as modern parents is that the internetβs search bar is a safe space so long as it contains the word "baby." I learned this the hard way last Tuesday afternoon, sitting on the edge...
How to Get Baby Nessie in Fisch (Without Ruining Your Weekend)
My living room currently sounds like a server room during a distributed denial-of-service attack, except the alarms are just my wife's nine-year-old nephew, Leo, aggressively clicking a mouse, while my eleven-month-old daughter aggressively hits a wooden block against the coffee...
The Truth About the Digital Dinosaur Taking Over My Living Room
It's 6:15 AM on a Tuesday. I'm standing in the kitchen wearing Dave's old college sweatpantsβthe grey ones with a literal hole in the left kneeβand holding my third cup of coffee, which is already lukewarm. Leo, my four-year-old, is...
How to Survive the Cartoon Baby Phase Without Losing Your Mind
Three days after we brought Leo home from the hospital, my mother came over, took one look at my unwashed hair, and told me to just prop him in a bouncy seat in front of some classical music animation so...
The Cocomelon baby shark meltdown and how we survived
It was a Tuesday at 5:15 PM, which in a Chicago November means it had been pitch black outside for an hour. I was standing in my kitchen, staring at an unpeeled onion, trying to figure out how to cook...