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Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner: A Dad's Guide To The Reverse Gear
It was exactly 6:14 PM, the thermostat was holding steady at 68.5 degrees, and I was watching my 11-month-old son slowly reverse himself into the precise 90-degree angle where the drywall meets the glass sliding door. He looked like a...
Total System Crash: Troubleshooting Our New Born Baby on Night Four
It’s 3:14 AM on our fourth night home, and I'm standing over the bassinet holding my phone flashlight like an idiot, trying to count the chest rises of a 7-pound human. My wife is asleep for the first time in...
My Fictional Gangster Baby Daddy and the Reality of Co-Parenting
When we first found out we were having twins, the unsolicited advice arrived with the speed and aggression of a flock of London pigeons spotting a dropped chip. Three different people gave me entirely contradictory instructions on how to handle...
The Truth About The Most Expensive Beanie Babies
I'm sitting on the concrete floor of my parents' garage in the Chicago suburbs, sneezing thirty years of dust out of my nose. In front of me is a massive plastic storage bin labeled with my name and the phrase...
Stop Saying Mongoloid Baby: Real Talk About Down Syndrome
I was sweating straight through my maternity leggings in the back of our Honda Odyssey, crying so hard I couldn’t see the buckles. It was August in rural Texas, which is basically the surface of the sun, and we hadn’t...
Dear Past Jess: Please Do Not Put On That Million Dollar Baby Film
Dear exhausted Jess from six months ago, You’re currently sitting on the beige sectional that smells vaguely of sour milk and desperation. It's raining sideways here in rural Texas, your Etsy shop orders are backed up to the moon, and...
Why That Megan Fox Post-Baby Appearance Made Me Lose My Mind
The glowing numbers on the microwave read 3:14 AM, which I know because I had just logged a massive diaper blowout into our shared baby app using my left thumb while suspending my screaming four-month-old over the sink with my...
The Mason Disick Baby Hoax and My Massive Digital Parenting Panic
My mum told me on Tuesday that if I ever post another photo of the girls online, criminals on the dark web will steal their identities and open credit cards in their names. A bloke I vaguely know from the...
Dear Sarah: The Truth About The Viral Mabe Baby Carrier
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're sitting on the living room rug in those embarrassing gray maternity leggings you absolutely refuse to throw out, staring at a pile of beige linen and black buckles. You're on your third...