How To Survive An Actual Baby's Day Out Without The Slapstick
It was precisely 10:14 AM on a Tuesday in late October, and I was standing in the parking lot of a suburban Target wearing gray yoga pants that had a highly suspicious yellow stain near the left knee, crying into...
My chaotic guide to finding an orphaned baby squirrel in your yard
The wind in Chicago in April is basically a personal insult. I was already standing in the kitchen watching my toddler have a full-scale meltdown because his morning banana had the audacity to break in half. I was mentally calculating...
Watching my kid fall off the playground cured my helicopter anxiety
The wind coming off Lake Michigan was aggressive enough to make my eyes water, but I couldn't blink. My two-year-old was fifteen feet up a rope climbing pyramid at Maggie Daley Park. His left foot was wedged between two cables....
Why Adding a Baby Duck to Our Family Was a Terribly Stupid Idea
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. The baby monitor was flashing that menacing yellow warning color, indicating my son was tossing around again. I was sitting on the edge of the bed in the dark, scrolling through a local...
Debugging Baby Sun Safety: The Great Sunscreen Firmware Update
There's currently a streak of stark white zinc oxide smeared across the black upholstery of my Subaru, a matching smudge on my favorite dark t-shirt, and a suspicious clump stuck in my eleven-month-oldβs left eyebrow. Somehow, despite dispensing what felt...
Why Rescuing That Adorable Coastal Baby Seal Is A Terrible Idea
We were twenty minutes into what was supposed to be a restorative family morning on a Cornish shingle beach, locked in a desperate battle with a pop-up windbreak that refused to pop anywhere but directly into my face, when Twin...
The Backyard Fawn: A Guide To Not Kidnapping Wildlife
Listen, the first time you find a tiny, spotted woodland creature curled up next to your hostas, your brain short-circuits. You immediately assume the worst. You look at this fragile thing breathing shallowly in your mulch, and your mind goes...
Finding a Baby Pigeon: A Very Stressed Dad's Guide to Bird Rescue
It was a Tuesday afternoon, raining with that specific type of London spite that bypasses your waterproofs entirely, when Maya marched into the kitchen holding what appeared to be a damp, breathing loofah. She dumped it unceremoniously next to the...
The SchlupfmΓΌtze: Why This Bizarre Hat Defeats All Winter Gear
I'm standing in the middle of Mt. Tabor park, staring at a patch of mud, watching my eleven-month-old aggressively rip a perfectly good knit beanie off his head for the fourteenth time in ten minutes. He doesn't even look angry....