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Dear Tom: Put down the baby neck float and step away from Instagram
Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently perched on the edge of the downstairs loo at 2am, hiding from the twins, staring bleary-eyed at your phone. The Instagram algorithm, sensing your big exhaustion and desperation for a quiet life,...
Surviving Our Twins' First Spring Holidays in Tulle and Panic
It's the second Tuesday of March, and I'm sweating profusely in the middle of a high street boutique, holding a hanger that looks like it was designed for a slightly malnourished doll. I'm trying to decipher if a garment optimistically...
Audio Specs: Finding a Babys Drum Kit Without Losing Your Mind
My mom told me I needed to buy a five-piece acoustic junior set immediately to "build his latent musical genius," which is a wildly optimistic read on a kid who currently eats old Cheerios off the floor. My neighbor, who...
Decoding the Baby's Breath Flower Meaning (And Why I Panicked)
I was standing in our kitchen at 3:14 AM, wearing sweatpants that hadn't been washed since Tuesday, staring at a massive glass vase on our island. We had just brought Maya home from the hospital three days prior. The vase...
Finding a baby shower game that won't make your friends flee
Let’s start with the greatest lie ever sold to expectant parents, which is the idea that pre-birth gatherings are calm, sophisticated afternoons where close friends sit around in pastel linen, sipping herbal tea and bestowing quiet wisdom. If you've ever...
Decoding What to Wear to a Baby Shower Without Losing Your Mind
I'm currently standing in my bedroom, holding my 11-month-old daughter who's actively trying to unbuckle my smartwatch with her single newly-erupted tooth, while watching my wife pull her seventh floral midi dress out of the closet. Our bed looks like...
I Googled "Do Baby Teeth Have Roots" at 3 AM and Now I'm Terrified
It's exactly 3:14 AM, and my index finger is currently wedged inside my eleven-month-old's mouth. I'm conducting a blind tactical sweep of his lower gums because he has been waking up screaming every two hours, and I'm desperately trying to...
Do Babies Sleep More When Teething? The Exhausting Truth
I was staring at the glowing green screen of the baby monitor at 2:14 PM on a Tuesday, completely paralyzed by a mixture of deep relief and mounting panic. Florence and Matilda had been asleep for two and a half...
Dressing Your Infant in a Devil's Rejects Baby Firefly Costume
The single biggest myth in modern parenting is the delusion that your infant is a blank, cooperative canvas for your own deeply specific pop-culture obsessions. I discovered this entirely too late while trying to explain to a very judgmental woman...