Magazine

A tired dad staring suspiciously at a glowing plastic baby monitor on a shelf

How the xiaoxia-baby webcam recorded my worst parenting moment

My mother-in-law firmly believes that baby monitors emit a mysterious frequency that turns infants into sleeper agents. My mate Dave, who treats fatherhood like a tactical military operation in hostile territory, insisted I needed a Β£300 dual-band Wi-Fi camera with...

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Dad holding a teething toy in front of a blue patterned nursery wall

Why We Tore Down The Nursery Walls At 3 AM For Blue Paper

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was staring at a wall painted a shade the DIY shop had optimistically called 'Sunshine Morning' but which, in the harsh glow of a dimmable nightlight, looked more like 'Aggressive Custard'....

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A tired mother holding a newborn baby wrapped in a bamboo blanket

What I Actually Learned From The Mother Baby Nurse On My Worst Night

It was 4:12 AM and I was sitting on the cold hexagon tiles of my bathroom floor, leaking from literally everywhere. Maya was exactly four days old. My older kid, Leo, who was three at the time, was blessedly asleep...

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A sleeping newborn wrapped in a breathable floral blanket

Why your newborn sounds like a tiny restless barnyard animal

It's three in the morning and you're hovering over the bassinet with your phone flashlight half-covered by your thumb. You're doing this because the tiny human you birthed is making noises that belong in a barnyard. It's a mix of...

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A confused dad holding a phone and a baby teether in a nursery

Finding a CD Baby Coupon Code and Debugging Nursery Audio

My mother-in-law insisted we needed a booming surround-sound system pumping classical Mozart into the crib to guarantee our daughter would eventually understand advanced calculus. My lead engineer at work, who approaches parenting like a server migration, swore by absolute, vacuum-sealed...

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A tired parent holding a baby while a smartphone plays Daniel Caesar's Baby Blue track in a dimly lit nursery

The 3AM Savior: Decoding Baby Blue Daniel Caesar Lyrics

There's a very specific type of despair that sets in around 3:14 AM when one twin is screaming because the shadows on the wall are looking at her funny, and the other is methodically attempting to ingest the cardboard spine...

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A tired mom holding a folded baby blanket in a messy nursery

Baby Blanket Size: A Messy, Exhausted Guide to Getting It Right

I was standing in my kitchen wearing my absolutely tragic gray maternity joggers, holding my third cup of violently lukewarm coffee, when I realized I was drowning in conflicting advice. I was pregnant with Leo, my first, and three different...

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Folded organic cotton onesie set on a wooden nursery dresser

A letter to myself about the perfect onesie set

Listen. You're currently standing over the bassinet at 3:14 AM watching a mustard-yellow stain slowly bloom across the back of your daughter's supposedly leak-proof pajamas. You're exhausted. You're calculating how many hours of sleep you can get before your shift...

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Twin toddler girls wearing organic cotton short sleeve pajamas on a bed.

Escaping Sausage Casings: short sleeve pajamas toddler edition

It's 7:14 PM on a damp Tuesday, and I'm currently employing a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu move I saw on YouTube just to get my two-year-old's arm into a pajama top. Elsie is howling indignantly; her twin sister Maya is standing on...

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