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That 3 AM Nightmare: Surviving a Wunder Po bei Babys at Home
3:14 AM. A Tuesday. I'm standing in the nursery wearing Dave's ridiculously oversized Villanova sweatpants with a mysterious yogurt stain on the knee, and ten-month-old Maya is screaming like I'm trying to actively murder her. It wasn't her normal "I'm...
Why buying boys dress pants is a specific kind of modern torture
I'm currently wedged next to the sanitary bin in the disabled toilet of a twelfth-century Surrey church, sweating completely through my only clean wedding suit, attempting to wrestle a screaming two-year-old into a pair of miniature, fiercely rigid navy slacks....
The truth about newborn teething rings and endless drool
"Just rub a little bit of whisky on her gums, that’s what we did with you," my dad suggested, watching Mabel gnaw furiously on her own fist at a Sunday roast. "No, you need a Baltic amber necklace, but only...
My Sweaty Journey to Find the Best Cooling Blanket for Babies
It's three in the morning in mid-July. The ancient window AC unit in my Chicago apartment is rattling like a dying lawnmower, and my toddler is plastered to my left side. He feels like a baked potato fresh out of...
Debugging Your Kid's Wardrobe: The Ultimate Graphic Baby Tee
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I had seventeen browser tabs open, deeply confused about how the internet works. Leo, my 11-month-old son, had finally entered a sleep cycle that didn't involve him kicking me in the ribs,...
The Truth About Newborn Onesies (And What You Actually Need)
It's 3:14 AM in November of 2017. Maya is exactly three weeks old. I'm wearing a milk-stained nursing bra, one single maternity sock because I lost the other one in the hallway, and I'm holding a mug of coffee that...
The Absurd Reality of Buying Newborn Outfits for the First Time
It's 4:13 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm actively wrestling a pair of miniature, stiff denim jeans onto a creature that has the structural integrity of a warm Yorkshire pudding. This was my grand introduction to the greatest myth of...
Surviving baby clothing stores: a nurse's guide to what works
I was thirty-four weeks pregnant, ankles swollen to the size of grapefruits, standing in the middle of a high-end boutique in Lincoln Park. The air smelled like lavender and expensive regret. In my hands, I held a pair of stiff,...
How to Buy Good Bibs for Adults Without Sacrificing Dignity
We were twenty minutes into Thanksgiving dinner two years ago when it happened. My grandmother, who has always dressed like she’s about to have tea with the Queen, was trying to lift a spoonful of gravy. Her hand gave that...