Why Your Newborn's Length Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means
"Well, look at those long legs, he's got size fourteen feet in his future for sure!" my great-aunt Linda practically hollered across the patio, hoisting my three-week-old oldest son like a prize-winning bass at the family barbecue. Everyone nodded sagely....
What Raising a Baby, a Billionaire, and Me Have in Common
I was six months pregnant with my oldestβwho, bless his heart, has become my walking cautionary tale for every single parenting mistake in the bookβwhen three completely different people cornered me at my baby shower with unsolicited advice on how...
The Truth About Controlling Your Baby's First Steps
I'm hunched over at a ninety-degree angle, my lower back screaming, holding Maya's tiny hands straight up in the air like she's a miniature hostage. It's, like, a Tuesday at 9 AM, I'm on my third cup of lukewarm coffee,...
Are You Raising A Baby Tyrant Or Just A Normal Toddler
We were standing in the kitchen on a Tuesday. Dev was holding a blue plastic cup. I had just handed him the blue plastic cup because, three seconds prior, he had demanded the blue plastic cup. He looked at the...
The 2 month old baby survival protocol: sleep, poop, and panicking ...
Listen, it's three in the morning and you're staring at the ceiling while your kid makes pterodactyl noises in the bassinet next to you. Your auntie's voice is echoing in your head, insisting that if you just put some rice...
Reality TV Night Nannies and the 3AM Panic of Keeping Humans Alive
It's currently 3:14 AM. I've a cold, half-eaten chocolate digestive in my dressing gown pocket, and I'm locked in a tense negotiation with a two-year-old about why we can't eat the dog's ear drops. In the background, my phone screen...
3 AM Server Logs and Unexpected Pediatric Data from Paris Hilton
Dear Marcus of Six Months Ago, You're currently sitting in the dark in our Portland apartment, illuminated only by the harsh blue glow of the baby monitor and a half-empty mug of coffee you microwaved three times and still forgot...
That Time I Thought My Baby Broke Every Single Bone
I was standing in the middle of my living room at ten o'clock at night, holding a screaming four-month-old, wearing a t-shirt covered in sour milk, and trying to figure out if human knees were supposed to bend that way....
Spoiled By My Billionaire Baby Daddy: The Real Truth About Luxury
I was standing at the kitchen island at eleven o'clock last night, aggressively scrubbing dried sweet potato off a highchair tray with a sponge that had definitely seen better days, when my phone auto-played a clip from that ridiculous viral...