Magazine

A messy living room with scattered baby toys and a television glowing in the dark.

Why the Baby Driver Cast Fooled Me on Family Movie Night

My oldest boy, Jackson, is standing dead center in the living room wearing mismatched dinosaur pajamas, clutching a half-eaten string cheese like a microphone, and staring completely wide-eyed at our television screen. It's 9:45 PM on a Friday. He's supposed...

Read more

Tired mother looking at a glowing television screen in the dark

That Midnight Streaming Trap Every Tired Parent Nearly Falls For

My phone lit up the nursery at 2:14 AM like a localized lightning strike. I was currently covered in what I hoped was just formula, trying to rock a teething toddler back to baseline. The text was from Sarah in...

Read more

A confused dad looking at his phone next to a baby in an organic cotton bodysuit

Why Baby Reindeer is Actually a Terrible Nursery Theme (And Show)

On a random Tuesday last month, I received three completely contradictory pieces of data within the span of six hours. First, my coworker Todd slacked me a message between server deployments saying, "Dude, you gotta check out that baby reindeer...

Read more

A confused dad looking at his baby holding a wooden teething ring instead of a smartphone screen.

Debugging the baby shark phase: Viral videos and double teeth

Don't ever assume an algorithm knows how to soothe your kid better than you do. I learned this the hard way at a coffee shop on Hawthorne last Tuesday, thinking a quick blast of YouTube would act as a temporary...

Read more

A frustrated mom looking at a car seat mirror while driving with her crying baby.

The Truth About The Baby Driver Movie And Actual Car Seat Safety

Let's talk about the biggest, fattest lie the universe feeds expecting parents: that babies inherently love riding in the car. You know the exact myth I'm talking about. You've probably seen those pristine, beige-aesthetic moms on Instagram claiming that all...

Read more

A spilled cup of coffee next to a locked tablet on a kitchen floor

How A Baby Ashlee OnlyFans Search Completely Changed My Screen Rules

It was exactly 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on the specific patch of our kitchen floor where the grout has been missing since 2019. I was wearing yoga pants that definitely had a crusty yogurt stain...

Read more

A frustrated dad looking at a smartphone while twins play with wooden toys

The 'Baby Akira Onlyfans' Search Hazard: A Parental Warning

My mother thinks an unlocked iPad is a perfectly acceptable babysitter (she frequently reminds me that she left me in front of the television for the entirety of the 1990s and I turned out completely fine, which is debatable). The...

Read more

Toddler playing with physical building blocks on a rug

Why a Baby Kicking Simulator Script Changed Our Playtime

I was up to my elbows in pureed butternut squash, desperately trying to convince two screaming two-year-olds that lunch was a necessary human function, when I glanced over at my nine-year-old nephew. He was visiting for the weekend, slouched on...

Read more

Confused mom looking at an iPad while her toddler plays with an organic cotton blanket

How searching for the best baby dragon evo decks cost me $142

It was Tuesday night, roughly 9:45 PM. I was standing in the kitchen wearing my husband Mark's gray sweatpants and a college t-shirt that literally still had dried oatmeal on the left shoulder from breakfast. I was holding my phone,...

Read more