Surviving the Dress Code: A Messy Guide to Baby Shower Guest Outfits
When my cousin got pregnant last spring, I texted three different people asking what the hell I was supposed to wear to her backyard celebration, and the responses were honestly useless. My mother-in-law told me I needed a pastel sheath...
The 2 AM Envelope Meltdown and Other Baby Shower Realities
It was exactly 11:43 PM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on my living room rug wearing my husbandβs stained college sweatpants, aggressively stress-eating cold leftover macaroni and cheese out of a Tupperware container. Spread out around me were...
The brutal truth about picking baby shower places in the summer
It was ninety-four degrees in the Lincoln Park Conservatory when I realized my sister-in-law had made a terrible mistake. She had booked a corner of the botanical garden for my baby shower because the natural lighting filtering through the glass...
Surviving the pink tulle trap of modern girl baby showers
I was exactly twenty-eight weeks pregnant, sitting on the floor of my Chicago apartment, surrounded by three garbage bags of neon pink tulle. My mother-in-law had just left after proudly declaring my upcoming baby show would be a princess paradise....
Processing the Baby Storme News While Riding Out a Real Storm
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wedged between a vacuum cleaner and a giant cardboard box of winter coats in our windowless hallway closet, trying to keep a four-year-old, a two-year-old, and a four-month-old quiet while...
Dear Past Me: Surviving a Baby Bed Bug Nursery Infestation
Dear Past Jess, It's 3:14 AM. You're standing in the middle of the nursery in your mismatched pajamas, holding your phone flashlight exactly two inches from the crib mattress, trying your absolute hardest not to wake the baby or hyperventilate....
The Honest Truth About Baby Aquaphor: A Letter To My Past Self
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. You're standing in aisle fourteen of Target. It's a Tuesday, I think. You're wearing those black maternity leggings that have the weird crusty yogurt stain on the left thigh that you swore you'd...
Why "Baby Alien Fan Bus Porn" Is My Ultimate Parenting Nightmare
It was exactly 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing my husband's college sweatpantsβthe tragic gray ones with the bleach stain on the left knee that I absolutely refuse to throw away because they've perfectly deep pockets. I...
Why I Swear By Unscented Aveeno For My Kids Eczema Nightmares
I was halfway down on my left knee, skidding across the wet bathroom linoleum while my oldest screamed bloody murder and thrashed around in what was supposed to be a soothing bedtime soak. It was 2019, my husband was working...