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The Truth About The Kyte Baby Sleep Sack Drama
It was two in the morning in late November. The wind coming off Lake Michigan was rattling our bedroom windows like it wanted to pick a fight, and I was standing in the dark bathroom aiming a hairdryer at a...
The "Baby Daddy" Firmware Update: What I Actually Know Now
3:14 AM. I'm standing in our kitchen illuminated only by the microwave clock, holding a lukewarm bottle of formula, and staring at a Google Sheet I built to track our son's diaper output. The rows are color-coded by consistency. My...
A Letter to Past Me About The Baby Boy Cast (And Pee Fountains)
Hey man. It's you from six months in the future. You're currently sitting in room 3 at the pediatric orthopedist in downtown Portland, sweating straight through your flannel shirt, watching a technician wrap your five-month-old's lower half in what looks...
Troubleshooting the Baby Boo Phase Without Losing Your Mind
I was holding exactly 14.5 ounces of lukewarm formula in one hand and a screaming, rash-covered 11-month-old in the other when my mother-in-law casually suggested I just rub some whiskey on his gums. The biggest myth about this whole parenting...
What No One Tells You About Your Newborn's Literal Baby Face
It was 2016, and I was sitting on my incredibly disgusting beige couch at 3 AM. I was seven months pregnant with Maya, wearing a pair of maternity leggings that had a questionable hole in the crotch, and I was...
Troubleshooting Baby Eczema: A First-Time Dad's Bug-Fixing Guide
I was sitting at our kitchen island at 2:14 AM, staring blankly at a massive Excel spreadsheet I had built to track every single thing my wife had eaten over the past 72 hours, alongside every spoonful of pureed sweet...
A letter to myself about thrush in babies and the white spots
You're sitting on the edge of the glider at 3 a.m. with your phone flashlight pointed into a sleeping mouth. You're trying to pry his tiny jaw open without waking him, which is as impossible as it sounds. His lips...
What no one tells you about bringing a jaundice baby home
My mother-in-law told me to put him in the living room window like a houseplant. The hospital lactation consultant told me to feed him until my nipples literally fell off. My deeply sleep-deprived husband downloaded three different tracking apps, poking...
Debugging the Infant Wash Cycle: A Letter to My Clueless Past Self
You're currently holding a screaming, soapy five-month-old over a stainless steel kitchen sink while the water temperature wildly fluctuates between Arctic runoff and molten lava, and you're terrified. I know this because I'm you, writing from six months in the...