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Why That Online Growth Chart Is Making You Lose Your Mind
I'm standing naked on my cold Chicago bathroom tile at four in the morning. My baby is also naked. I step onto the digital scale, memorize my exact weight, step off, pick up my thrashing three-month-old, step back on, and...
The Truth About Beech-Nut Baby Food From a Tired Mom of Three
I was standing on a kitchen chair with a wet Swiffer pad, aggressively scrubbing bright orange sweet potato puree off my ceiling fan, when I finally accepted defeat. This was four years ago with my oldest son. I had bought...
Why Searching For That Baby John Cartoon Sent Me Into A Panic
My mother-in-law swore by propping Leo up with an iPad the second he got fussy, my sister acted like letting a 3D animated pig sing a nursery rhyme would literally dissolve his frontal lobe, and my husband Dave just muttered...
Raising A Baby Hitler: Why I Stopped Tracking Cries And Held My Kid
Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago, It's currently 3:14 AM in your timeline, and I know exactly what you're doing. You're sitting in the glow of your laptop in the nursery, holding a screaming, five-month-old Maya, and you're logging...
How to Actually Troubleshoot Your Way to an Fantastic Baby
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, the Portland rain was actively mocking my sanity against the bedroom window, and my 11-month-old was throwing a massive runtime error. I had tried the bouncing walk, the aggressive shushing, the weird yoga-ball-hip-sway...
Decoding the "Baby Cute" Phase: A Tech Dad's Honest Survival Guide
I've got exactly four seconds before my eleven-month-old daughter realizes I've stopped bouncing on this incredibly deflated yoga ball. She's currently staring at the ceiling fan with the kind of intense, unblinking focus usually reserved for high-frequency algorithmic trading, while...
Why My Toddler Will Never Wear Rigid Cowboy Boots Ever Again
We were standing knee-deep in what I sincerely hoped was just regular East London mud at Mudchute Farm when the screaming started. Molly, one half of my two-year-old twin disaster squad, had suddenly frozen in place, glaring with pure, unadulterated...
The Midnight Baby Broccoli Incident And How We Survived
2:14 AM. Thatβs exactly when the smell hit me. It wasnβt a dirty diaper, though heaven knows I checked with the flashlight on my phone while trying not to wake my husband. It was this creeping, sulfurous cloud rising from...
How to cook baby bok choy so your infant actually swallows it
It's somehow already dinner time in Chicago. The radiator is hissing, the kitchen smells vaguely of sesame oil and parental desperation, and my toddler is methodically wiping a bright green leaf across her forehead like a damp washcloth. I'm staring...