Magazine

A tired father staring blankly at two bowls of water on a changing mat

The "stump tail baby lala" incident and other newborn horrors

It was 3:14 AM on our third day home from the hospital, and I was holding a freshly un-nappied twin at arm's length, staring in abject horror at her abdomen. Attached to her tiny, perfect belly was a shriveling, alien...

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A tired mother holding a newborn baby wrapped in a bamboo blanket

What I Actually Learned From The Mother Baby Nurse On My Worst Night

It was 4:12 AM and I was sitting on the cold hexagon tiles of my bathroom floor, leaking from literally everywhere. Maya was exactly four days old. My older kid, Leo, who was three at the time, was blessedly asleep...

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An exhausted mom holding a cold cup of coffee looking thoughtfully at her phone.

Decoding the Angel Emoji Baby: What It Really Means for Parents

I was sitting in the front seat of my Honda Odyssey in the Target parking lot yesterday, aggressively sucking down an iced latte that had already started to separate into that weird milky water at the bottom, wearing leggings that...

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Stressed mom holding a baby while looking at a laptop and drinking coffee

When Katie And Bill Consult Lawyer About Luna's Baby Custody

I'm up to my elbows in matched toddler socksβ€”which is to say, exactly three pairs and forty singlesβ€”when I hear the TV blaring from the living room. My mom is visiting to help out, and she's got The Bold and...

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Toddler eating messy barbecue ribs on a summer patio

How Long to Smoke Baby Back Ribs Without Ruining Saturday

It was 5:42 PM on a Saturday in July, and I was sweating through a gray tank top that already had a suspicious smear of Sweet Baby Ray's on the hip. My husband was standing on the patio, staring into...

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Golden spaniel puppy chewing on a toy next to twin toddler girls.

When Do Dogs Lose Their Baby Teeth? A Twin Dad's Survival Guide

I stepped on it barefoot at exactly six in the morning. It was sharp, cold, and entirely unyielding, which naturally led me to assume I had discovered yet another rogue piece of plastic from the twins' supposedly tidied toy box....

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The 3AM Google Search Disaster: A Baby Alien Sex Tape Incident

It's 3:14 in the morning, and I'm holding what can only be described as a glowing green piece of plastic covered in a thick, gelatinous layer of twin toddler saliva. My left eye is twitching in a rhythm that vaguely...

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Exhausted mother drinking coffee while playing mobile games next to a toddler.

The Best Evo Baby Dragon Decks for Sleep-Deprived Parents

There's this massive, completely unhinged myth in the parenting space that the absolute second you bring a newborn home from the hospital, your smartphone suddenly becomes this pristine, educational tool used exclusively for tracking ounces of breastmilk and playing white...

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A very small tortoise sitting stubbornly under a heat lamp in a wooden enclosure

Why bringing a baby tortoise into a toddler home is a terrible idea

It's 2:14 AM and I'm standing in my living room using a digital meat thermometer to measure the ambient soil temperature of a wooden box. Inside this box is a creature roughly the size of a rich tea biscuit that...

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