What to Do When Your Kids Find a Tiny Opossum in the Backyard
Tuesday morning. 7:14 AM. I'm standing in the damp grass wearing my husband's oversized flannel bathrobe, one fuzzy sock because the dog stole the other one, and holding a mug of coffee that has already been microwaved three separate times....
Debugging My Yard: Surviving the Juvenile Copperhead Panic
I was standing completely frozen in the wet grass holding a plastic watering can like it was a broadsword, staring intensely at a patch of overgrown clover. My smartwatch was aggressively buzzing on my wrist, alerting me that my heart...
A 3AM Panic, A Baby Bush Hospital Article, And Surviving Twins
It was 3:14 AM on a wet Tuesday, and the frankly demonic electronic voice of a cartoon panda driving a baby bus was the only thing preventing my left arm from going entirely numb. Zoe was wedged firmly in my...
The 3AM Pumping Crisis and the Tiny Machine That Saved Us
The kitchen tiles in our London flat are roughly the temperature of a mortuary slab at 2:14 in the morning. I know this because I was lying face down on them last Tuesday, desperately searching for a microscopic silicone membrane...
Why Looking Up Movies For Your Infant Son Is A Terrible Idea
My phone buzzed at two in the morning during a particularly brutal night feed last week. It was a text from my cousin in Seattle, containing a screenshot of a Hulu search page and a question about whether a specific...
Processing the Baby Storme News While Riding Out a Real Storm
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wedged between a vacuum cleaner and a giant cardboard box of winter coats in our windowless hallway closet, trying to keep a four-year-old, a two-year-old, and a four-month-old quiet while...
Baby Aspirin During Pregnancy: What My OB Actually Said
My mother-in-law told me eating papaya would cause an immediate miscarriage. A holistic momfluencer on TikTok swore that any over-the-counter painkiller would permanently alter my unborn child's DNA. Then my OB-GYN sat across from me at fourteen weeks, slid a...
The Honest Truth About Baby Aquaphor: A Letter To My Past Self
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. You're standing in aisle fourteen of Target. It's a Tuesday, I think. You're wearing those black maternity leggings that have the weird crusty yogurt stain on the left thigh that you swore you'd...
The Ugly Truth About "Anchor Babies" and The 26-Year Wait
I was frantically dabbing at Zoe's birth certificate with a wet wipe this morning, trying to lift a very suspicious brown smear that was either Marmite or something far worse, when the radio started up with yet another political debate....