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The Real Truth About How to Make a Baby Survive the First Year
I was standing in the kitchen at 4:13 a.m., wearing a dressing gown that smelled distinctly of sour milk, frantically pumping my daughter's tiny legs like she was participating in the Tour de France. My wife was hunched over the...
Surviving the Baby Walker With Wheels (A Twin Dad's Story)
I was precisely halfway through pouring a vaguely warm coffee down my throat when Florence broke the indoor land speed record. We have a narrow Victorian hallway in our London terrace, which is entirely unsuitable for anything wider than a...
Why the relaxing baby tub routine is actually a massive lie
I'm currently staring at a puddle of lukewarm water slowly seeping into the grout of my bathroom floor, while somewhere in the distance, a rogue rubber duck is wedged firmly behind the loo. My knees are making a noise that...
Dear Past Priya: Finding the Best Baby Swing for Your Sanity
Dear Past Priya, It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in late November. You have dried spit-up on the left shoulder of your nursing tank. You're standing in the dark living room holding a screaming potato who refuses to close his...
Surviving Big Baby Davis: Raising A Literal Ten-Pound Newborn
"Are you absolutely sure there's only one in there?" I was staring at the popcorn ceiling of my OB's office in rural Texas, slick with that freezing blue ultrasound gel, while the poor tech just kept measuring and re-measuring my...
Surviving a Massive Baby Show Without Losing Your Damn Mind
I'm standing in aisle 400 of the convention center, seven months pregnant with Maya, sweating through a maternity shirt that was absolutely not designed for indoor arena temperatures, while my husband Dave is holding three different neon tote bags filled...
The Honest Truth About Needing a Baby Play Pen
My mother-in-law told me a baby play pen is a cage that stunts gross motor skills and ruins a child's natural curiosity. My neighbor, on the other hand, told me she leaves her daughter in one for four hours a...
The Great "Baby G" Trap: Gear, Gyms, and Surviving the Plastic
It was precisely 3:14 AM when my left heel made contact with something that loudly announced, in a synthesized, aggressively cheerful accent, "I'm a happy purple turtle!" This was the exact moment I realized my living room had been entirely...
Why I Quit Sketchy Parking Lot Meetups For Rebel Baby Gear
I was standing behind a deserted strip mall somewhere between Waco and Austin, sweating entirely through my favorite maternity shirt, about to hand a complete stranger a wad of cash for a high chair that smelled faintly of sour milk...