The Truth About Safe Baby Teethers (And What I Actually Used)

It was 3:14 PM on a Tuesday, raining sideways, and I was wearing those black maternity leggings that had a suspicious yogurt stain on the knee from three days prior. Maya was about five and a half months old, sitting in her bouncy seat on the living room rug, aggressively gnawing on this neon green plastic ring of fake keys that someone had gifted us at my baby shower.

I was on my fourth cup of lukewarm coffee, just blindly scrolling on my phone, when I fell down a rabbit hole about endocrine disruptors. Next thing I know, I'm aggressively Googling chemical compounds and staring at my sweet, innocent firstborn who was currently marinating a hunk of cheap, mass-produced plastic in her own saliva.

I completely panicked. Like, full-body hot flash panic.

I actually snatched the keys right out of her mouth, which obviously made her scream like I had just stolen her life savings, and Dave came downstairs from his home office to find me frantically throwing every plastic rattle we owned into a garbage bag. He looked at me like I had lost my absolute mind, which, to be fair, I kind of had. But the thing is, before you've a kid, you just assume that if something is sold at a major store, it must be safe, right? You assume someone in a lab coat is monitoring this stuff so we don't accidentally poison our babies.

Yeah. Hilarious.

The absolute garbage science of plastic toys

Anyway, the point is, I spent the next three nights awake at 2 AM nursing Maya and reading studies that I barely understood. I mean, I almost failed high school chemistry, but I managed to read this massive 2021 study from some university in Denmark that basically ruined my life. Apparently, these scientists looked at a bunch of standard plastic toys and found that over a hundred of the chemicals in them were wildly sketchy for kids.

And the thing that made me the most insane was the "BPA-Free" label. I used to look for that little sticker and feel so smug and responsible. Well, joke's on me, because from what I can vaguely understand of the research I was reading through my sleep-deprived haze, a lot of companies just swap out BPA for BPS or BPF. Which are literally the exact same kind of hormone-disrupting chemicals but just have a different letter at the end so they can legally print "BPA-Free" on the box.

Which is just great. Awesome.

Not to mention phthalates. They use those to make plastic soft and flexible, which is exactly what a baby wants to chew on, but they've been linked to all sorts of neurodevelopmental crap that I refuse to even think about for too long because it gives me hives. And here's the wildest part—sometimes they hide phthalates on the ingredient list under the word "fragrance." Why does a piece of plastic need to be fragranced? Who's asking for this?

Oh, and those trendy amber teething necklaces that everyone on Instagram was putting on their babies back in 2017 are a massive strangulation hazard so absolutely the hell not.

What my doctor actually said about the things to watch for

So right around the time I threw away half our playroom, Maya started acting like a feral badger. She was drooling through four bibs a day and just furious at the world. Then she spiked a 101-degree fever and had a blowout diaper that ruined a very cute organic onesie, so I rushed her to our doctor, Dr. Miller, convinced her teeth were about to literally explode out of her skull.

Dr. Miller is this wonderfully blunt woman who has seen it all, and she just sort of patted my knee. She told me that while teething definitely causes drooling and gum-rubbing and makes them wake up crying, it absolutely doesn't cause high fevers or diarrhea. If a baby has a real fever, they've a virus. It's just that babies get sick constantly around six months old, which is the exact same time they start getting teeth, so we all just blame the teeth.

My mind was blown. So Maya just had a random stomach bug AND her gums hurt. Cool. Parenting is so glamorous.

Finding stuff to chew that doesn't terrify me

By the time my second kid, Leo, came along four years later, I was much more chill but also way more militant about what went in his mouth. No random plastic. Period. But babies have to chew. They literally explore the physical world by shoving it in their mouths, and when those little white tooth-buds start pushing up against their gums, the pressure is so intense they'll chew on the edge of your coffee table if you let them.

If you're looking for stuff that won't make you spiral into a panic attack, there are really only a couple of materials I actually trust anymore.

Food-Grade Silicone

Silicone is basically magic. From what I understand, it's made from silica, which comes from sand, and it doesn't contain microplastics or any of that BPA/phthalate garbage. It's non-porous so it doesn't get weird and moldy, and you can just throw it in the dishwasher.

When Leo was going through his absolute worst teething phase around eight months, he basically lived with the Panda Teether Silicone Baby Bamboo Chew Toy shoved in his cheek. This thing was my absolute favorite. First of all, it's seriously cute, but more importantly, it's molded entirely out of 100% food-grade silicone so there are no seams where gross bacteria can hide or little pieces that could break off and choke him. The little bamboo shoot parts on the panda were the exact right shape to reach his back gums, and he would just sit in his high chair grinding on it while I tried to aggressively inhale my breakfast. You can just toss it in a bowl of boiling water to sterilize it, which I did roughly four times a day because Leo threw everything on the floor.

Solid Untreated Wood

Wood is another one that feels safe, but you've to be really careful because plywood and particleboard are glued together with formaldehyde. You need solid, untreated hardwood like beech or maple. Wood is really naturally antimicrobial, which is wild to me, but apparently bacteria dies way faster on wood than it does on plastic.

I'll be totally honest though, wood was hit or miss in our house. We had the Handmade Wood & Silicone Teether Ring, and while it's gorgeous and looks like something out of a very chic minimalist nursery catalog, Maya was deeply offended by the hard texture of the wood. She just stared at me like I had handed her a literal stick from the yard. Leo, however, loved it when his front teeth were finally breaking through the skin because he needed something super firm to bite against. So it really depends on your kid. The silicone beads on it are great, but just remember you can't soak wood in the sink or it'll warp and splinter.

If you want to look at more options that aren't made of sketchy chemicals, you can browse some really good teething alternatives here that won't make you stay up all night worrying.

The freezer trick that I totally messed up

Okay, so remember those liquid-filled plastic rings from the 90s? The ones your mom used to keep in the freezer? Dave's mom bought us one of those before I went on my anti-plastic crusade, and I put it in the freezer because that's what everyone tells you to do.

Don't do this. I repeat, don't freeze things until they're rock solid.

I gave this frozen plastic ice-block to Maya and she immediately started screaming. I felt it, and it was so hard it had genuinely bruised her poor swollen gums. Plus, apparently, those liquid rings can get punctured by sharp little teeth, and then your baby is just drinking mysterious blue antifreeze gel. No thank you.

Instead, just take a solid silicone piece, like the Squirrel Teether Silicone Baby Gum Soother (which has this really great ring shape that tiny uncoordinated baby hands can honestly hold onto), and put it in the regular refrigerator for like twenty or thirty minutes. It gets nice and cool, which numbs the swelling, but it stays squishy enough that it won't hurt them. Sometimes I'd just take a clean organic cotton washcloth, get it wet, wring it out, and put THAT in the fridge. Maya would gnaw on a cold wet rag for an hour. It's messy, but it works, though you do have to wash cotton constantly because wet fabric breeds bacteria like crazy.

Look, the whole teething phase is just an exhausting blur of drool and whining and trying to figure out why your kid is suddenly awake at 3 AM. But finding a few safe things for them to chew on at least gives you one less thing to obsess over.

If you're in the thick of it right now and you just want to grab something you know is safe without having to read a Danish scientific study at dawn, check out our collection of chemical-free options that will seriously help them feel better.

My Messy FAQ About Teething

When the hell does this seriously start?

Honestly, they start drooling and shoving their hands in their mouths at like 3 or 4 months, which makes you think it's happening, but the actual teeth usually don't show up until around 6 months. Maya got her first one at 7 months, and Leo got his at 5 months. It's a total crapshoot.

How do I know they're teething and not just sick?

If they've a fever over 100.4 or they're throwing up or having diarrhea, call your doctor. I learned the hard way from Dr. Miller that teeth don't cause high fevers. If they're just cranky, chewing on everything in sight, drooling so much they need an outfit change, and sleeping terribly... yeah, that's probably teeth.

Can I just put the wooden ones in the dishwasher?

Oh god no. Please don't do that. Wood will swell up, crack, and splinter if you soak it in water or bake it in a dishwasher. You just wipe wood down with a damp cloth. Sometimes I rub a little coconut oil on the wooden ones if they start looking dry. Save the dishwasher for the solid silicone stuff.

Why does everyone hate the gel-filled rings now?

Because babies get strong, sharp little teeth and they bite through the plastic, and then they swallow whatever weird chemical liquid is inside. Plus, if you put them in the freezer, they turn into weapons that can legitimately bruise their gums. Solid silicone in the regular fridge is like a million times safer.

Do they really need a specific toy for this?

I mean, no, they'll chew on your shoulder, your keys, the dog's tail, or a dirty shoe if you let them. But giving them something made of safe silicone with actual bumps and ridges on it gives them a lot more relief, and it keeps them from destroying your household items. So for my own sanity, yes, I always had like three of them on rotation.