Magazine

A tired father holding a smartphone while two toddlers play in the background

The Erika Kirk Third Baby Rumour And My Doomscrolling Panic

Whatever you do, absolutely don't lie in bed at 4:13 in the morning with one eye clamped shut to preserve your night vision while violently trying to extract a heavily chewed dummy from beneath a sleeping toddler, only to open...

Read more

Exhausted dad staring at his smartphone while holding a sleeping baby

Troubleshooting Da Baby: A Clueless Dad's System Log

I was standing over the bassinet at 3:14 AM holding a digital meat thermometer near my son's forehead, completely convinced his baseline operating temperature was running too hot. He was wearing a heavy fleece onesie in late August because I...

Read more

Mother holding her toddler looking at a smartphone screen with vintage audio playing

The Connie Francis Pretty Little Baby Trend Made Me Cry

I'm sitting on the faux-wool rug of my Chicago apartment, staring at my phone through the kind of sleep deprivation that makes your teeth physically ache. Rohan is asleep on my chest, a dead weight of milk-drunk toddler. If I...

Read more

Exhausted dad holding a baby while looking at a smartphone in a dark nursery

How a 3AM "CD Baby" Mix-Up Accidentally Fixed Our Sleep

The nursery thermostat read exactly 69.5 degrees, the humidifier was pumping at a steady 40 percent output, and my 11-week-old daughter was emitting a continuous, high-pitched frequency that felt like it was physically vibrating my teeth. It was 3:14 AM...

Read more

A tired mother looking at a baby teeth chart while her toddler chews a toy

The baby teeth chart lie: What to expect when fangs arrive

I've got my knee gently pinning her left arm to the carpet, my elbow blocking her right, while I try to wedge a clean index finger past her lips. She has just ruined her first baby tee of the morning...

Read more

A stressed husband holding a tape measure next to a pile of maternity dresses

The Impossible Physics of Finding the Right Baby Shower Dress

I was standing in our narrow Portland hallway with a flexible tape measure, trying to calculate the cubic volume of my wife's third-trimester bump. She was holding three different dresses on hangers, crying softly because none of them accounted for...

Read more

Toddler wearing a yellow backward cap and pink sweater holding a baby bottle.

How We Built a Baby Saja Costume (Without the Meltdown)

I was holding a detached, highly synthetic faux-collar in my left hand while my eleven-month-old son actively tried to eat a teal polyester wig. This was iteration one of the baby Saja outfit, ordered at 2 AM from a drop-shipping...

Read more

Twin babies wearing neutral organic cotton bodysuits on a playmat

The baby Saja aesthetic versus the reality of my screaming twins

It was 4:12 AM, the bluish light of my phone illuminating a half-eaten Hobnob on my bedside table, when I fully lost my grip on reality. One of the twinsβ€”I honestly couldn't tell you which one in the dark, but...

Read more

A messy nursery floor with a soft pastel swaddle blanket and a coffee mug

The 3 AM Battle Between Crusty Pink Eyes and Pastel Aesthetics

It was three in the morning the night before our big extended family photoshoot. I was sitting on the nursery floor staring at two very specific things. One was my fresh manicure, an expensive gel job featuring those trendy baby...

Read more