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Figuring Out the New MAGA Baby Savings Account Without Losing It
My father-in-law texted me at 6:15 AM in all-caps about how the federal government is apparently handing out a free thousand bucks for my kid. Two hours later, a senior developer on my engineering team Slack-messaged me a doom-scroll thread...
Dear Sarah: The Truth About The Viral Mabe Baby Carrier
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're sitting on the living room rug in those embarrassing gray maternity leggings you absolutely refuse to throw out, staring at a pile of beige linen and black buckles. You're on your third...
Why Searching For loser baby lyrics Is A Parenting Trap
My mother-in-law insisted I needed to pipe classical symphonies into the nursery to raise certified geniuses, the bloke who makes my flat whites swore by 90s West Coast hip-hop to build 'rhythmic resilience', and my NHS health visitor gently suggested...
My Brutally Honest Review of Little Spoon Baby Food Deliveries
I'm standing in an unfamiliar kitchen in Chicago at six in the morning, holding a plastic tub of green sludge that claims to contain spirulina, chia, and something called a 'dragon fruit.' My twin daughters, Florence and Matilda, are rhythmically...
The Terrifying Bobblehead Phase: Babies Holding Their Heads Up
My mother-in-law was holding Florence, who was precisely eighteen days old at the time, when she decided to gesture wildly with both hands while telling a long-winded story about a rogue fox in her garden. For three horrifying seconds, Florenceβs...
When Do Babies See Color? (And Why My Newborn Hated Pastels)
I was standing in the middle of the nursery at two in the morning, wearing nursing pads that were definitely leaking, holding my three-week-old daughter Maya. I had just spent an embarrassing amount of money on this gorgeous, handcrafted, organic...
When Do Babies Start Eating Baby Food? A Twin Dad's Messy Guide
Dear Tom of eighteen months ago, You're currently standing in the kitchen at 3am, staring at a very expensive, totally unused baby food maker, frantically typing misspelled queries like "when do I feed my babi" into your phone with one...
When Do Babies Start To Crawl? A Letter To My Clueless Past Self
Hey Marcus from six months ago. I know you're currently enjoying the stationary phase where you can set the kid down on the rug, go make an espresso, and return to find him occupying the exact same coordinate space. Enjoy...
When Do Babies Teeth? An Honest Timeline For Exhausted Parents
I was standing in the checkout line at Trader Joe's in 2019, balancing a frozen pizza on my hip because I didn't grab a cart, when the contradictory advice started. Maya was about five months old, wearing a mustard yellow...