Magazine

A frustrated mom holding a toddler in a stiff holiday suit.

The disaster of picking a baby boy easter outfit

It was ten in the morning on a Sunday and I was staring at a mustard-yellow blowout that had completely breached the hull of a forty-dollar miniature linen suit. My mother-in-law was knocking on the powder room door, asking if...

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Messy living room with a glowing fish tank, cold coffee cup, and baby toys scattered on the floor.

What I Wish I Knew Before Googling Dwarf Baby Tears

Dear Sarah of November 14th, currently sitting on the cold bathroom tile at 3:17 AM in yesterday's yogurt-stained Lululemon leggings. You have your phone in one hand and a screaming four-month-old Leo in the other, and you're desperately typing things...

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A pregnant mother drinking coffee and resting her hands on her belly.

Navigating The Difference Between Gas Bubbles And Baby Moving

It was 11:42 PM on a Tuesday, I was wearing Dave’s stained college sweatpants that smelled vaguely of old laundry detergent, and I was absolutely convinced there was an alien trying to claw its way out of my lower intestine....

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Mom holding a coffee cup looking shocked at her smartphone screen in a messy living room.

That Cute Little Green Alien Herb is Definitely Not for Kids

I was standing in line at H-E-B last Tuesday, wrestling my squirming two-year-old on my hip while trying to order a baby shower gift for my cousin on my phone. She is completely obsessed with that Mandalorian show, so I...

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Tired mom rocking and patting a baby's back in a dimly lit nursery

When Can You Finally Stop Burping Your Baby? A Mom's Honest Story

I remember sitting in the dark in the rocking chair that squeaked every time I leaned back, aggressively patting my oldest son's back like I was trying to dislodge a stuck vending machine snack. It was probably 3:14 AM on...

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11-month-old baby eating baby back ribs in a Portland backyard

Spare Ribs vs Baby Back Ribs: A Dad’s Guide to Debugging Toddler BBQ

I was standing at the meat counter of our neighborhood New Seasons in Portland, panic-googling whether "baby back" meant the ribs actually came from a baby pig. My wife Sarah was three aisles over dealing with a minor avocado-related meltdown...

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Marcus looking at a tiny white baby termite on the bathroom floor with a flashlight

Dear Past Marcus: Those Aren't Pale Ants, They're Baby Termites

Dear Marcus of exactly six months ago: Put down the flashlight. That tiny, pale, squirming thing you're currently poking with a cotton swab at 2:14 AM on the bathroom tile is not an albino ant. It's a baby termite. Don't...

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Baby wearing a soft organic cotton bodysuit sitting quietly in a church pew.

The Honest Truth About Your Baby Dedication (And Surviving It)

Let me paint a picture for y'all. It's Sunday morning, roughly 10:15 AM. I'm sitting in the second pew, sweating clean through my nice silk blouse, while my oldest sonβ€”who was supposed to look like a literal angel from heavenβ€”is...

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An exhausted mom holding a crying baby in red and green matching holiday pajamas.

My Absolute Worst Night With Matching Baby Christmas Pajamas

The zipper was officially jammed in the microfleece reindeer antlers. It was roughly two in the morning on December twenty-third, and my six-month-old, Maya, was screaming with the raw intensity of a level-one trauma arrival. Her face was the color...

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