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Dear Tom: Put down the baby neck float and step away from Instagram
Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently perched on the edge of the downstairs loo at 2am, hiding from the twins, staring bleary-eyed at your phone. The Instagram algorithm, sensing your big exhaustion and desperation for a quiet life,...
The Truth About That Cute Baby Milo Keychain (And My Mom Guilt)
It was a random Tuesday in October, like, 2018 maybe? Maya was about seven months old, and we were sitting outside this aggressively hip coffee shop in Brooklynβthe kind where a basic iced oat milk latte costs seven dollars and...
The brutal truth about feeding your baby lamb meat at six months
My mother-in-law nearly dropped her chai when I told her what was in the slow cooker. She looked at me like I had personally wandered into a petting zoo and kidnapped a newborn animal. There's this bizarre, pervasive guilt in...
Why baby jane bourbon is a childproofing nightmare
When my son's first tooth started aggressively pushing its way through his lower gums last month, I received three distinct pieces of troubleshooting advice. My dad, operating on legacy parenting code from 1989, told me to just rub a drop...
The Day My Toddler Brought a Wild Baby Hare Into Our Kitchen
I was elbow-deep in cold dishwater trying to scrape dried oatmeal off a plastic bowl when my four-year-old marched through the back screen door with his hands cupped together like he was protecting a fragile treasure. He had that specific,...
Exactly How Much Space Do You Need for a Baby Grand Piano?
My mother-in-law confidently told me we should just stick the instrument right against the front bay window because the natural afternoon light would look gorgeous on the polished mahogany. The guy at the local music shop told me that if...
Surviving Our Twins' First Spring Holidays in Tulle and Panic
It's the second Tuesday of March, and I'm sweating profusely in the middle of a high street boutique, holding a hanger that looks like it was designed for a slightly malnourished doll. I'm trying to decipher if a garment optimistically...
Why finding baby formula without seed oils is driving me crazy
I was sitting on my kitchen floor at 3 AM wearing my husband's college sweatpants that have a literal hole in the crotch, aggressively Googling fat blends while Maya screamed from her bassinet in the other room. I had a...
The Kitchen Island Incident: Rethinking the Baby Floor Seat
It was 2:14 PM on a Tuesday. I had a P1 server outage flashing red on my left monitor, lukewarm cold brew in my system, and a 4.5-month-old stationed on the kitchen island right next to my keyboard. I had...