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Why Spielbogen AnhΓ€nger Don't Need to Be a Vegas Light Show
My mother-in-law meant well when she handed me a massive cardboard box wrapped in pastel elephant paper. I ripped it open and stared at a neon plastic contraption that looked like a miniaturized carnival ride. It had six different blinking...
What a Screaming Backyard Wild Bird Taught Me About Motherhood
It was 102 degrees in the shade, the kind of Texas summer afternoon where the air feels like hot soup and you sweat just blinking, and I was up to my elbows in diaper cream when the back screen door...
The Honest Truth About Buying a Baby Pouf for Your Nursery
Itβs 3:17 AM, and I'm physically stuck in a velvet floor cushion. My mother-in-law insisted this giant, overstuffed monstrosity was a nursery absolute necessity, and right now I'm trying to extract my left leg from its sinking depths without waking...
Dear Past Jess: That Baby Pink Bell Sleeve Turtle Neck Dress Is Bad
Dear Jess from October. It's me, Jess from April. You're currently standing in the Target parking lot with three kids sweating in the backseat, staring at your phone, about to hit 'buy' on that trendy boutique website. I need you...
The vintage baby pin fantasy versus the pediatric triage reality
I spent three weeks of my third trimester trying to match my baby pink nails to the exact baby pink hex code I wanted for the nursery accent wall. I had this whole vision board happening. I was going to...
The Great Baby Oil Bottle Disaster: What I Actually Know Now
It's twenty past midnight, and I'm currently holding what feels exactly like a greased watermelon. Twin One (who used to be the calm one, though weβve long abandoned that classification) has just executed a flawless, aggressive barrel roll on the...
Reliable Baby Monitors with Camera Under $100 That Actually Work
It was two in the morning and I was staring at a buffering wheel on my phone screen while my router blinked an angry red in the hallway. My expensive, top-of-the-line smart camera was attempting a firmware update right as...
Why Late-Night Google Is the Enemy of Natural Baby Care
I'm sitting on the floor of the nursery at 3:14 AM, the harsh blue glow of my smartphone illuminating a stain on my jogging bottoms that I'm fiercely praying is just mashed sweet potato. I'm reading a parenting forum post...
Debugging My 11-Month-Old Baby's First Guitar Playing Setup
Yesterday at exactly 4:13 PM, my daughter attempted to eat the low E string off my Martin acoustic dreadnought. I was sitting on the rug in our living roomβwhich I keep at a very precise, data-backed 68.5 degrees for best...