When "Baby Please Don't Go" Means "Please Stop Giving Me Advice"
I was standing in aisle four of Target, holding a half-empty iced vanilla latte that I had honestly forgotten paying for, while my four-month-old daughter Maya tried to literally eat my hair. She was wearing this pale yellow onesie that...
Surviving the American Girl Bitty Baby Hardware Update
It was 2:18 AM on a Tuesday. The ambient temperature in the nursery was exactly 68.4 degrees, according to the three different sensors I had calibrated that afternoon. I was executing a standard tactical stealth retreat after successfully resetting my...
Taylor Swift Baby: Surviving Pop Culture With Twins
I was quite literally elbow-deep in silver sequins and non-toxic fabric glue at a quarter to eleven on a Tuesday night when my wife casually dropped the magazine on the kitchen island. The headline was screaming about the latest Travis...
How I Finally Learned To Say Don't Worry Baby To My Own Brain
I was hunched over the bassinet at 3:14 AM with my phone flashlight covered by two of my fingers, desperately counting the seconds between my oldest son's breaths. I had convinced myself that because he paused his breathing for seven...
The Unfiltered Truth About When Your Newborn Can Actually See You
I spent three months of my pregnancy painting a perfectly muted sage green mural on my son's nursery wall. I curated taupe crib sheets. I bought dusty rose swaddles. I spent an embarrassing amount of money making sure his room...
The brutal, messy truth about when your baby will finally sit up
I was sitting cross-legged on my living room rug, trapped in a fortress of couch cushions. My son, six months old and entirely unbothered by gravity, had just executed his fortieth faceplant of the morning. His grandmother was on FaceTime,...
When Do Babies Start Cooing? A Real Mom's Guide to Early Sounds
I was sweating through my third nursing tank of the day in the cab of my F-150 outside the local feed store in mid-July. My oldest, Wyatt, was exactly eight weeks old and sitting in his car seat looking at...
When do babies stop drinking formula: my messy transition
I was standing over my kitchen sink at 11:45 PM, aggressively scrubbing the tiny, useless plastic vents of a baby bottle for what felt like the millionth time. Chicago winters already destroy your skin, but adding hot water and dish...
That Midnight Panic Over Exactly When Babies Are Supposed To Walk
It was 2:13 AM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on the floor of my bathroom in the dark, violently scrolling through parenting forums on my phone while my 14-month-old oldest child, Beau, slept blissfully down the hall. We...