Predicting Your Baby's Face: The Truth About AI Image Generators
I'm currently sitting at my kitchen island with a laundry basket full of mismatched toddler socks on my left, and three text messages glaring at me from my phone on my right, all offering completely contradictory advice about how to...
The Great First Birthday Smash Cake Disaster (And What I Learned)
There's a specific, deeply unsettling textural horror to finding mashed avocado and coconut cream crusted into your left eyebrow three hours after the guests have gone home. I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, picking dried oat flour...
The Fat Chinese Baby Meme Completely Changed How I Feed My Kids
It was 2:14 AM, and I was sitting in the nursery glider that aggressively squeaks every time I lean even a fraction of an inch to the left. My youngest, Beau, was half-asleep on my chest, and I was deep...
When your 4D ultrasound baby alien leaked on the family group chat
The ultrasound gel was freezing, and the sonographer whose name tag said Brenda was pushing the wand into my bladder with the force of a hydraulic press. We were at the 20-week anatomy scan. The monitor in the dark room...
Dear Tom: Put down the Sweet Baby Ray's immediately
Dear Tom of six months ago. It's Sunday afternoon, you're standing in the back garden holding a plastic squeeze bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's, and you're about to make a terrible, deeply sticky mistake. I know exactly what you're thinking....
What The Nepo Baby Trend Actually Means For Your Everyday Toddler
I was peeling the skin off a single green grape for my toddler when my sister-in-law texted me a screenshot of a celebrity magazine cover. My phone lit up on the kitchen counter while I carefully sliced the fruit into...
What Is Love Baby Dont Hurt Me: Toddlers & 90s Dance Anthems
It's 6:43 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm currently bleeding quite profusely from the bridge of my nose while mentally reviewing the Billboard Hot 100 charts from 1993. My left eye is watering. My dignity left the building sometime during...
How to Be a Rich Baby Daddy Without Actually Having Any Money
I'm standing in a painfully well-lit Marylebone baby boutique at eleven in the morning on a Tuesday, holding a Β£400 self-rocking bassinet, while one of my two-year-old twins actively attempts to eat a display shoe. The sales assistant is looking...
What Are the Tommy Richman Million Dollar Baby Lyrics About?
My coworker Dave pinged me on Slack Tuesday morning to say I desperately needed to block a certain new Tommy Richman song on Spotify because the themes were way too mature for my house. Two hours later, my mother-in-law called...