Magazine

Dad holding a teething toy in front of a blue patterned nursery wall

Why We Tore Down The Nursery Walls At 3 AM For Blue Paper

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was staring at a wall painted a shade the DIY shop had optimistically called 'Sunshine Morning' but which, in the harsh glow of a dimmable nightlight, looked more like 'Aggressive Custard'....

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A baby pressing laptop keys while a tired dad drinks cold coffee

Surviving the Inevitable Baby Keyboard Smash in My Home Office

"asdfghjkl;'" was the exact, unedited message I sent to my accountant last Tuesday at 9:14 AM. I'd love to claim it was an avant-garde statement about the futility of modern tax law, but the truth is considerably shorter, louder, and...

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Public restroom baby changing station with safety strap and black buckle visible

The Brutal Truth About That Public Baby Changing Station Strap

My mother-in-law told me to never let my kid's bare skin touch a public changing table. She suggested I do all diaper changes in the trunk of our sedan, like some sort of parking lot mobster. My favorite doom-scrolling app...

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A tired father staring blankly at two bowls of water on a changing mat

The "stump tail baby lala" incident and other newborn horrors

It was 3:14 AM on our third day home from the hospital, and I was holding a freshly un-nappied twin at arm's length, staring in abject horror at her abdomen. Attached to her tiny, perfect belly was a shriveling, alien...

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Tired mom sitting in a nursery glider looking at her phone in the dark.

Why That Reality TV Baby Drama Actually Made Me Scream

It was 3:14 AM, and I was pinned under my oldest son in a rocking chair that squeaked every time I shifted my weight. My C-section incision felt like it was actively unzipping, I smelled like sour milk, and my...

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A highly suspicious infant looking at a plastic spoon covered in beige oat mush

Surviving the great weaning transition of 2022

It was precisely 11:14 am on a Tuesday, and I was standing on a dining chair trying to scrape what appeared to be organic beige cement off the kitchen ceiling with a silicone spatula. The twins were exactly six months...

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A vintage plush toy sitting safely on a high nursery shelf away from the crib

Why gifting a vintage november 24th beanie baby gives me hives

I watched my sister-in-law unearth a vacuum-sealed plastic bag at my baby shower, her eyes shining with that specific millennial nostalgia that usually precedes a terrible financial decision. She pulled out a dusty plush turkey from 1997. She proudly announced...

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Exhausted dad doing a crossword puzzle while twin toddlers chew on sustainable silicone teething toys.

Why The Baby Beluga Musician NYT Clue Destroyed My Sleep Entirely

The glowing rectangle of my phone was the only light in the nursery at 3:42 am last Tuesday. Twin A (Maya) was draped across my left shoulder like a heavily sedated sack of potatoes, occasionally whimpering and aggressively gnawing on...

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Toddler playing with wooden toys on the living room floor

Raising a Gemini Baby Without Losing Your Mind Or All Your Friends

"Don't tell Mr. Henderson that his grass looks like garbage. I don't care if that's what Daddy said in the kitchen, you keep your mouth shut because your wife is my friend and I've to sit next to her at...

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