Decoding cry baby lyrics while holding an actual screaming infant
My mother-in-law told me to just put him in the crib and shut the door because crying builds lung capacity, which is anatomically hilarious and factually incorrect. My lactation consultant said I should offer the breast the second his lower...
Navigating the Newborn Crying Phase Without Losing Your Damn Mind
My mother-in-law cornered me in my own kitchen while I was trying to microwave a mug of coffee that had already been reheated three times. I was wearing yogurt-stained maternity leggings that were legally too old to still be called...
My Pediatric Triage Guide To Cheer Up Baby Without Going Crazy
My mother swore rubbing warm ghee on his feet would stop the screaming. The lactation consultant told me he was definitely cluster feeding and I just needed to nurse him for the fourteenth time that hour. Then my neighbor caught...
The Giant Swamp Rodent Trend Ruining My Perfectly Good Tuesday
We were in aisle seven of the Lincoln Park Target when a meltdown of epic proportions began. Not over a toy, and not over a snack. My son wanted the giant, terminally chill rodent he had seen on my phone...
Why searching blue baby isaac at 2am will terrify you
It was 3 a.m. in our Chicago townhouse, the exact hour when every shadow in the nursery looks like a critical medical emergency. I was standing over the crib, staring at my four-month-old son's mouth, convinced his upper lip looked...
Why raising a gentle lady baby is an absolute, hilarious myth
I'm standing in the kitchen at 3:14 AM, wearing a dressing gown that hasn't seen a washing machine since Tuesday, trying to negotiate with a tiny human who has somehow managed to get pureed carrot inside her own ear canal....
Surviving Year One: Letter To My Clueless Past Self (baby_jul1)
You're currently standing in the baby aisle of John Lewis, staring at a wall of breast pumps with the terrified, vacant expression of a man who has just been told an asteroid is hurtling toward Earth. I know this because...
How to Survive the Moro Reflex in Babies Without Losing Your Mind
Itβs two in the morning in 2019, and I'm hovering over a bassinet with my oldest, Jackson, holding my breath until my lungs actually burn. Iβve done the sway, the aggressive shushing, the hour-long rocking chair marathon, and he's finally...
My baby my baby: Sorting through the noise of the first year
The car ride home from the hospital is the longest thirty minutes of your life. Every pothole feels like a personal threat. Once you cross the threshold of your home, the reality sets in. On my first day back, my...