Magazine
Finding The Perfect Baby Goat Name For Toys and Nursery Themes
My mother-in-law told me I had to do a woodland nursery because farm animals "smell like chores." My neighbor Sarah insisted I buy raw milk from her cousin's pasture because "commercial formula is a scam." And my mom just dropped...
Is A Baby Gold Bracelet Safe? My 3AM Troubleshooting Guide
Maya's mom arrived from Chicago at 7:14 PM, exactly twelve minutes after we finally managed to shut down the baby's waking cycle. She dropped her bags in the hallway and immediately handed me a velvet box that weighed absolutely nothing....
Why I Stopped Treating the Baby Growth Chart Like a High Score
It was a bleak Tuesday morning in November, and I was standing barefoot on the cold bathroom tiles, holding a completely naked, furiously wriggling two-year-old on a digital scale, trying to do basic mental subtraction while she actively attempted to...
Decoding the 3 AM Baby Grunting Sounds Without Losing Your Mind
I'm standing barefoot on the cold Portland hardwood at 3:14 AM, holding my phone flashlight at a weird angle so I don't accidentally blind my daughter, just waiting for her to make the noise again. Don't do this. Seriously, whatever...
The Brutal Truth About Baby Guinea Pigs Nobody Tells Parents
The teenager behind the counter at the pet store was casually explaining to a mother that if she touched her new baby guinea pig, the mother pig would smell human on the baby and eat it. I had to physically...
What Actually Happened When I Tried A Baby Guinness For My Milk
The breast pump was making that rhythmic, wheezing, dying-goose sound on my kitchen counter at three in the morning, and I was staring at exactly one-and-a-half ounces of milk in the little plastic bottle. My oldest son, Hunterβwho is the...
Building A Survival Baby Hamper For The 3 AM Meltdowns
It's exactly 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. Maya is four days old, and she's screaming with the intensity of a tiny, furious dinosaur. I'm standing in our dark kitchen wearing nothing but mesh hospital underwear and a nursing bra that...
Surprise, You Now Have a Dozen Hamsters (Surviving the Litter)
"Momma, Princess Fluffbutt split into tiny pink jellybeans!" That was how my four-year-old announced we were suddenly harboring fugitives on a Tuesday morning while I was elbow-deep in packing tape for my Etsy shop and trying to keep the baby...
Why we really need to talk about the ugly side of baby headbands
You pull it out of the tissue paper at your baby shower. It's a stiff nylon elastic band attached to a sequined peony the size of a small cabbage. The aunties in the room coo over it, telling you how...