Why Machine Gun Kelly's Co-Parenting Setup Is Oddly Inspiring
It was 3:14 in the morning, the Texas humidity was already sticking to the windowpanes like a wet blanket, and my middle childβlet's just call her Baby M for the sake of keeping some things privateβwas doing that terrifying back-arching...
The Ultimate Man vs Baby Guide: Debugging First-Year Fatherhood
Portland rain is violently smacking against the nursery window, and I'm staring at a dual-screen monitor setup that used to be only for gaming, but is now dedicated to a massive spreadsheet that's fundamentally mocking my existence. It's 2:14 AM....
The Viral Falling Baby Lawsuit Hoax vs Actual Window Tech
Thursday morning, my phone lit up with three completely incompatible push notifications about gravity and my 11-month-old. First, my mother-in-law texted me a frantic TikTok link claiming some random dude was dragged into court for half a million dollars after...
Note to Self: Surviving the Man Baby & What to Dress Them In
Dear Sarah from six months ago, Itβs 3:14 AM. You're currently sitting cross-legged on the floor of your sisterβs guest room wearing a pair of Daveβs old sweatpants with a questionable bleach stain on the knee and a nursing tank...
Figuring Out The MAGA Baby Savings Accounts Without Crying
Whatever you do, please don't open your laptop at 11:43 PM after half a glass of cheap Pinot Noir to try and calculate compounding interest for a four-year-old's theoretical college fund. I was sitting on the rug in Leo's nurseryβwearing...
The Love Is Blind Megan Baby Drama Actually Makes Complete Sense
It's 3:14 AM. The kitchen floor is strangely sticky under my bare feet, and I'm furiously doomscrolling through an absolute hurricane of internet outrage with my thumb clamped over my phone's speaker so the autoplay videos don't wake the one...
What the Lindbergh baby taught me about nursery security
Listen, it's two in the morning in Chicago, the radiator is hissing like a dying snake, and I'm standing in my toddler's room staring at the window latch. I should be sleeping. Instead, I'm thinking about a homemade wooden ladder...
Why the Phrase Sleep Like a Baby is Actually a Massive Fraud
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, and I was wearing Dave's old gray college sweatpants that smelled faintly of sour milk and desperation. I was just staring blankly at the ceiling fan in our bedroom, listening to...
Dear Past Priya: The Truth About Social Security Baby Names
Listen. You're sitting in the sweltering heat of the Target parking lot on Elston Avenue, crying into a lukewarm chai because an influencer just named her kid the exact moniker you've been hoarding for eight months. I know you're devastated....