A Letter to Myself About That Mountain of Carter's Baby Clothes
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the freezing concrete of the garage floor at 11 PM, six months pregnant, staring at three giant Rubbermaid tubs labeled "0-3 Months" and crying over a faded, mustard-stained onesie. I...
Debugging the Y2K Aesthetic When Your Infant Refuses to Flex
We were at our usual Saturday spotβthat overly loud Portland coffee roaster where the tables are made of reclaimed shipping palletsβwhen my eleven-month-old daughter simply stopped working. Her entire motor function API just failed. She was sitting in her high...
Raising a Baby Huey: When Your Infant Is Off the Charts
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was losing a wrestling match against a seven-month-old. The left leg went into the sleep sack fine, but the right leg was suddenly entirely incompatible with the fabric, mostly because the...
The Great Baby Myth And Other Delightful Lies We Tell New Parents
At precisely 3:14 AM on a rainy Tuesday, while scraping what I desperately hoped was mashed sweet potato off the nursery ceiling, I realised the central lie of modern parenting. Before the twins arrived, well-meaning relatives and aggressively pastel-coloured books...
The Real Reason My Babies Live in Sleeveless Summer Bodysuits
I was standing next to a kiddie pool in my sister-in-lawβs backyard, sweat pooling entirely too fast in my nursing bra, staring down at my firstborn son who looked like a boiled hot dog. It was the Fourth of July...
Surviving the Sand: The Truth About Newborn Beach Clothes
We were standing on the windswept expanse of a Cornwall beach, holding two four-month-old twins who were dressed entirely in matching hand-knitted merino wool cardigans. My wife had envisioned a deeply aesthetic Instagram moment featuring the moody British coastline and...
Why Good Infant Black Leggings Are The Only Baby Pants You Need
There I was, profusely sweating through my favorite nursing tank in the middle of a crowded pumpkin patch, trying to wrestle my oldest son's chunky six-month-old thighs out of a pair of miniature rigid corduroy overalls. He was screaming, I...
Why the Henley Romper is the Only Baby Outfit You Need
Dear Sarah from last November, You're currently standing in the middle of our sister's nursery, sweating in that beige oversized sweater that makes you look like a sheep, holding a lukewarm Yeti mug of day-old coffee. You're staring at a...
Festkleider Kinder: Surviving Toddler Party Wear In One Piece
"Put them in traditional taffeta, it builds character," my mother declared over a lukewarm cup of Earl Grey, adjusting her glasses as if inspecting my parenting credentials for microscopic flaws. "Just get those matching velvet twin suits from Instagram," my...