Why giving your toddler a baby stanley is a pediatric nightmare
Tuesday morning. My fourteen-month-old has both hands wrapped around the base of my forty-ounce metal tumbler, trying to deadlift it off the coffee table. He is vibrating with effort. The cup outweighs his head. He manages to tilt it just...
The Truth About Controlling Your Baby's First Steps
I'm hunched over at a ninety-degree angle, my lower back screaming, holding Maya's tiny hands straight up in the air like she's a miniature hostage. It's, like, a Tuesday at 9 AM, I'm on my third cup of lukewarm coffee,...
Debugging The Infant Travel System Compatibility Matrix
It's currently forty-two degrees and raining sideways in the parking lot of a Portland Target, and I'm aggressively jiggling a piece of molded plastic while my eleven-month-old son screams as if I've deeply betrayed him. I'm trying to attach his...
Are You Raising A Baby Tyrant Or Just A Normal Toddler
We were standing in the kitchen on a Tuesday. Dev was holding a blue plastic cup. I had just handed him the blue plastic cup because, three seconds prior, he had demanded the blue plastic cup. He looked at the...
Why I Stopped Treating My Baby's Weight Percentile Like a High Score
The crinkly paper on the exam table was already soaked with drool by the time Dr. Miller walked in holding the printout. I was bouncing our eleven-month-old on my hip, trying to keep him from disassembling the otoscope on the...
The ugly truth about transitioning to a toddler wearable blanket
The biggest lie they tell you at the twelve-month pediatrician visit is that your kid is finally old enough for a real blanket. People hear that milestone and immediately run out to buy tiny, expensive quilts. They carefully tuck their...
A Letter to Myself About the Toddler Blanket Transition
You're currently staring at the glowing screen of the Motorola video monitor on your bedside table, watching as Maya attempts a sort of aggressive, synchronised swimming routine inside her 2.5 TOG sleep sack. She looks like a deeply frustrated, slightly...
Why Ms Rachel Works Like a Glitch in My Baby's Brain
The production database locked up at exactly 4:13 PM on a Tuesday, which was incidentally the exact moment my eleven-month-old decided his incoming lateral incisor required a decibel level usually reserved for jet engine testing. Outside, the Portland rain was...
The Honest Truth About Quantum Physics for Babies
Yesterday at 4 AM, I found myself trying to explain the Bohr model of the atom to a human who had just thrown up on my slippers. He was gnawing on the corner of a board book about electrons. The...