Magazine

Tired dad holding a silicone panda teether while researching baby naming rules

The Bizarre Kat Timpf Baby Name Rumor & Our Naming Panic

You're currently staring at cell C42 on the "Child_Identifier_v3.xlsx" spreadsheet, blinking through the burn of blue light at 2:14 AM while your five-month-old aggressively tries to eat his own foot in the bassinet beside you. You've gone so far down...

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An eleven month old baby trying to eat a credit card on a rug

Dear Past Marcus: Debugging The Toddler Consumerism Bug

Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the living room rug, watching our five-month-old try to gnaw the security chip off your Amex card. You think it's hilarious. You're probably taking a photo to send to...

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Clueless software engineer dad looking at baby registry must haves on dual monitors

Decoding Baby Registry Must Haves Without Crashing Your Brain

It's precisely 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, my mechanical keyboard is clacking, my dual-monitor setup is glowing with the intensity of a thousand suns, and I've exactly forty-seven browser tabs open trying to parse the flow rate variations of infant...

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Red panda eating bamboo on branch next to a sleepy human infant

What an Endangered Red Panda Taught Me About Parenting My Wild Child

The glow of my dual monitors was the only light in the living room while my eleven-month-old son performed what I can only describe as a sustained velociraptor screech from his playpen. It was 3:14 AM. I was supposed to...

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Exhausted dad holding coffee while his 11-month-old plays on an organic polar blanket

Why Raising an 11-Month-Old Feels Like Having a Baby Polar Bear

At 3:14 AM last Tuesday, I found myself sitting on the nursery floor in the dark, bathed in the blue light of my phone, holding a sleeping 11-month-old who currently weighs as much as a medium-sized microwave. My browser history...

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Tom Selleck holding an infant next to modern safe sleep cot guidelines

Watching Three Men And A Baby At 3AM Will Not Calm Your Nerves

Dear Tom of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the sofa in the pitch dark. It's 3:14 AM. You have one twin asleep on your left shoulder, drooling a thick, milky substance onto your only clean t-shirt, and the...

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Sleep-deprived dad researching baby chief do it on his phone while rocking a baby.

Baby Chief Do It: 3 AM Rabbit Holes & Real Firmware Updates

It’s 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, the exact temperature in our Portland apartment is 68.5 degrees, and I'm currently forty-five minutes deep into a TikTok wormhole trying to figure out why my eleven-month-old’s behavior doesn’t match the internet’s benchmarks. My...

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Overwhelmed parent trying to figure out sustainable baby gear while holding a toddler

Why a 1980s baby boom cast makes more sense than modern apps

My mum casually mentioned last Tuesday that if I didn't start putting a pulverized rusk into the twins' nighttime milk, they would never sleep past 4 am and I'd be looking at stunted growth by their third birthday. The bloke...

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Dad holding a squirmy 11-month-old boy in green organic cotton ribbed retro shorts

Debugging Baby Clothes For Boys: A First-Time Dad's Guide

Last Tuesday at 2:14 AM, I was staring at a pile of microscopic blue garments on the changing table, trying to calculate the exact structural integrity of a soaked cotton blend. My 11-month-old son was aggressively doing the bicycle-leg motion...

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