What Emma Cannon Taught Me About Parenting

It was 3:14 in the morning, the Texas humidity was already sticking to the windowpanes like a wet blanket, and my middle child—let's just call her Baby M for the sake of keeping some things private—was doing that terrifying back-arching scream thing that only teething infants can pull off. I was rocking her in the dark, my foot numb from hitting the same floorboard squeak for an hour, desperately scrolling on my phone with one thumb just to keep my eyes open. That’s when the algorithm served me a video of Colson Baker, better known as Machine Gun Kelly, talking about his teenage daughter Casie and her mom, Emma Cannon.

I’m going to be completely honest with y'all, celebrity gossip usually makes my eyes roll back so far I can see my own brain. But sitting there covered in a mixture of drool and sour milk, I fell down a rabbit hole about this mgk baby mama situation, and what I found actually stopped me in my tracks. Because in a world where everyone is posting every second of their kid's life online, this woman is a literal ghost. No public Instagram. No TikTok rants. She just quietly raises her daughter in Cleveland while her ex goes off and dates Megan Fox and lives this wild rockstar life. And somehow, their co-parenting dynamic is shockingly normal.

I couldn't stop thinking about it while I wiped Baby M's chin for the fiftieth time that night. We put so much pressure on ourselves to perform motherhood for an audience, but sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is just log off and do the actual work of raising a human.

The ghost mode parenting strategy

There's an entire industry built around making moms feel like garbage if our baseboards aren't spotless and our kids aren't wearing matching neutral-toned linen jumpsuits while sorting wooden aesthetic blocks in a sunlit room. I'm so deeply exhausted by the Instagram parenting Olympics. It’s a full-time job just trying to convince strangers on the internet that you haven't lost your mind, and I see these young moms contorting themselves into knots to project this image of effortless perfection while their actual lives are burning down behind the camera.

But Emma Cannon? She gave birth in 2009, long before the influencer mom boom, and she just... stayed offline. She never verified her identity on social media, she doesn't do interviews, and she doesn't use her connection to a massive celebrity to sell tummy tea or hair vitamins. She just lives her life. I respect the absolute hell out of that. I run a small Etsy shop out of my garage making custom tumblers, and half the time I feel this gross pressure to post my kids on my business page just to "drive engagement" because that's what the marketing podcasts say to do. Seeing someone with every reason to chase clout just actively choose peace instead is the most punk rock thing I've ever seen. As for the tabloids that try to dig up dirt on her, they can honestly go kick rocks.

Teething at 3 AM and the panda that saved our sanity

Since we're being real, let's talk about the absolute nightmare that's the teething phase. My oldest was a massive cautionary tale. We tried every holistic, natural, Instagram-approved method out there. My grandma kept telling me to rub whiskey on his gums, which, bless her heart, was definitely the parenting standard in 1985 but will get you a fast track to a visit from CPS today. We suffered through months of him gnawing on my collarbones and waking up every forty-five minutes.

By the time Baby M started cutting her first tooth, I had dropped all my idealistic rookie mom nonsense and just wanted something that actually worked. My pediatrician said a low-grade temperature is totally normal for teething, but my own mom swears up and down that teething doesn't cause fevers and it's always a virus making them sick. Honestly, who even knows at this point? The medical books say one thing, the doctor says another, and I'm just sitting here trying to filter a bunch of contradictory science through my deeply sleep-deprived brain while hoping I don't accidentally ruin my kid.

What I do know is that the Panda Teether from Kianao is quite literally the only reason my husband and I are still on speaking terms. It's about fifteen bucks, and it's a lifesaver. It’s made of this food-grade silicone that's completely BPA-free, but more importantly, it's shaped flat so my infant can actually hold the stupid thing herself without dropping it every three seconds and screaming for me to pick it up. I chuck it in the fridge for ten minutes before bedtime, and the cold silicone numbs her gums just enough for us both to catch a break. I'm not saying a piece of silicone shaped like a panda is magic, but I'm saying I wouldn't leave my house without it right now.

The ruffled romper that I refuse to iron

When you're constantly exhausted, the clothes you put on your kid become a massive point of friction. I used to care about styling my oldest in these complicated, multi-layer outfits that looked adorable for exactly three minutes before someone had a blowout. Now, with three kids under five, my main criteria for clothing is just asking whether or not I'm going to rip my own hair out trying to snap it closed at 2 AM.

I recently bought the Flutter Sleeve Organic Cotton Bodysuit, and I've wildly mixed feelings about it. Let me give it to you straight. The fabric itself is incredible. It’s 95% organic cotton, and since Baby M has skin that breaks out in eczema if she even looks at synthetic fibers, the breathable cotton is great. It doesn't use nasty pesticides, which makes me feel slightly better about the state of the planet.

But the sleeves. Y'all. The flutter sleeves are so cute when you first take it out of the package, but the second you run this thing through the washing machine, those little ruffles fold up into weird taco shapes. To make it look like the picture again, you'd literally have to iron it. I don't even iron my own shirts for church, so if anyone thinks I'm firing up the ironing board for a baby's romper that's going to get covered in pureed sweet potatoes anyway, they've lost their minds. It's a fine piece of clothing, and we still use it because the fabric is stupid soft, but I just let the sleeves stay crinkled. It's what it's.

If you're building out your baby's wardrobe or toy box and want to skip the plastic garbage that breaks in two days, you can browse through their organic baby toys collection and find stuff that seriously holds up to a toddler throwing it across the room.

When your kid is the one keeping you accountable

One of the craziest things I learned during my 3 AM rabbit hole about MGK and Emma Cannon was how their daughter Casie really pushed him into getting sober. He admitted on a podcast that Casie looked at him and said she could tell when he was high. Hearing that a young teenager had the emotional maturity to call out her rockstar dad is wild, but it makes perfect sense when you realize her mom clearly raised her with rock-solid boundaries.

It made me think about the label "baby mama." Around my small rural town, that phrase is basically thrown around like an insult. It's meant to imply drama, instability, and a broken home. But you look at Emma, who's technically a baby mama, and she’s out here raising a grounded, intelligent kid who has the guts to hold a grown man accountable. Kids see right through us. They don't care how much money you've or how many followers are looking at your pictures. They care if you're present.

I worry about this constantly with my own kids. Am I staring at my phone too much when I'm packing Etsy orders? Does my oldest notice when I snap at his dad over something stupid just because I'm overstimulated? The books all tell you to practice mindful parenting and do deep breathing exercises when you're triggered, but half the time I'm just white-knuckling it through the afternoon crash hoping I don't say something I'll regret. Seeing a kid like Casie turn out okay despite her dad's chaotic public life gives me a weird sense of hope that maybe, just maybe, our kids are more resilient than we think.

Distractions that don't make me want to pull my hair out

Since we're on the topic of surviving the chaos, I've to mention the one thing keeping my youngest occupied while I'm trying to print shipping labels in the garage. We set up the Wooden Rainbow Play Gym Set on a foam mat in the corner, and it's been shockingly good.

I read somewhere that the wooden hanging toys help with depth perception, or maybe it was spatial awareness? I don't know, it's a bunch of developmental science I barely passed in college, but I can tell you that my youngest will seriously lay there and bat at the little wooden elephant for a solid twenty minutes without screaming. The colors aren't violently bright like those plastic monstrosities from big box stores that sing out-of-tune songs and give me an instant migraine. It just sits there, looking decent in my messy house, letting my baby practice grabbing things while I tape up cardboard boxes. Sometimes you don't need a perfectly curated Montessori curriculum, you just need twenty minutes of relative quiet to get your work done.

honestly, parenting is just a series of messy, imperfect choices. Whether you're a famous rapper trying to co-parent from a tour bus, a completely off-the-grid mom in Cleveland, or a tired Etsy seller in rural Texas covered in breastmilk and coffee stains, we're all just guessing. Forget trying to make it look perfect for an audience. Just focus on the kid in front of you.

If you're exhausted and just looking for baby gear that seriously works without looking like a plastic factory exploded in your living room, do yourself a favor and check out the rest of the sustainably made goods at Kianao.

Questions I usually get asked about this stuff

Is it bad if my baby swallows a little bit of the silicone from chewing so hard?

Okay, first of all, don't panic. The medical sites will tell you to immediately inspect the toy for damage, but honestly, if you're using a high-quality, 100% food-grade silicone teether like the Kianao ones, they're nearly impossible for a baby to bite through without actual sharp adult teeth. If they somehow manage to nip a microscopic piece off, it's non-toxic, but you should definitely toss the toy in the trash immediately just to be safe. Always check those teethers after you wash them.

How do you deal with the guilt of working while the kids are home?

I don't. The guilt just lives with me like a bad roommate. I try to remind myself that my mom worked her fingers to the bone when I was little and I turned out fine, but it still stings when I've to tell my oldest to watch another cartoon because I'm backed up on tumbler orders. I just try to make the pockets of time we do have together count, and I let the rest go. It's messy, but it's our life.

Why do people use the term "baby mama" negatively?

It's rooted in a lot of classist garbage, honestly. Society loves to judge women, especially young moms who aren't married to their kid's father. But the reality is that blended families and co-parenting situations are the norm for millions of people. As long as the kid is loved and boundaries are respected, the legal title on the relationship doesn't mean a thing.

Do you really think wooden toys are better than plastic ones?

I'm not a purist about anything. We have plenty of loud, annoying plastic toys that were gifted to us, and my kids love them. But for my own sanity, I prefer the wooden ones because they don't break as easily, they don't require batteries that die every three days, and they don't overstimulate the baby right before nap time. Plus, they just look nicer sitting on the rug.

How long does the teething nightmare really last?

Forever. Just kidding, but it feels like it. With my oldest, it seemed like he was teething non-stop from four months until he was over two years old. They get a break between the front teeth and the molars, but those molars are a whole different level of awful. Just stock up on coffee and invest in a good teether. You'll get through it, I promise.