Magazine
Dear Past Me: What to Know Before Getting a Pug Puppy
Dear Jess from last October. Youβre currently standing in the driveway holding a cardboard box that contains what looks like a hyperactive, three-pound baked potato with giant eyeballs, and you're entirely too confident about this life choice. I know exactly...
A Letter To Myself About Surviving The Evening Scream Fest
I found this note sitting in my drafts folder from exactly six months ago. My mate Dave had just texted me from the pub (a man who currently thinks 'tired' means getting eight hours of sleep but waking up once...
Dear past Tom: So your toddler found a bird in the garden
Dear Tom from last May. You're currently standing on the patio in your dressing gown, holding a lukewarm mug of instant coffee while watching Maya and Lily enthusiastically poke at a pulsating lump of grey fluff on the lawn, so...
Surviving the 5 Month Old Baby Chaos Without Losing Your Mind
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in the dark staring at the video monitor like it was a horror movie. My middle child, who up until that week had been a perfectly stationary potato, was...
What the 100 Baby Challenge Sims 4 Taught Me About Real Twins
There's half a mashed banana firmly cemented to the kitchen ceiling, and I'm currently crouched behind the breakfast island while my two-year-old twin daughters aggressively negotiate the ownership of a wooden block using only high-pitched, dolphin-like squeals. It's 7:14 in...
Surviving the Chaos: The Truth About Raising a One-Year-Old
I was on my hands and knees, using a blunt butter knife to scrape a disturbing amount of smashed avocado out of the grooves of our Victorian skirting board, when I realised the greatest lie of modern parenting. The lie...
The survival guide to your 1 month old baby: Grunting and chaos
It's 3:14 AM and I'm currently having a staring contest with a four-week-old dictator. Before this week, both my twin girls were essentially sleepy, squishy potatoes who occasionally demanded milk. But at exactly one month old, a terrifying switch flipped....
The Absurd Reality of High-End Baby Clothes
When I was eight months pregnant with Leo, my mother sat me down at her kitchen table, tapped her coffee mug with her fingernail, and told me to only buy stark white cotton so I could bleach the absolute hell...
The Messy, Sweet Potato-Covered Truth About Using Baby Spoons
It was 2019, and there was pureed sweet potato on my living room ceiling fan. Not a light splatter, y'all. A heavy, gravity-defying clump. My oldest son, bless his heart, had just karate-chopped the hard plastic baby spoon I was...