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The Honest Guide to Finding the Best Baby Bottles for Your Baby
It was 2:14 AM, the Texas summer heat was somehow still radiating through the walls, and I was standing in my kitchen in a milk-stained t-shirt having a full-blown breakdown over fifteen tiny pieces of plastic. My oldest, Carter, was...
The Bambi Baby Store Standard: Surviving the Gear Shopping Madness
"Sleep when the baby sleeps," my mother confidently announced over a lukewarm cup of tea, completely ignoring the fact that there were two babies and they were heavily invested in sleeping in opposing four-hour shifts. "You absolutely must keep them...
That 3AM Panic Search: How To Tell If The Babys All Right Now
The glow of my phone screen was the only light in the nursery, illuminating the half-eaten Hobnob I had abandoned on the nursing chair. It was 3:14 AM. Twin A (who we had quietly designated the Loud One) was making...
Bringing Babys Home: Surviving The First Year Without Losing It
The digital clock on the microwave read 3:14 AM, and I was sitting cross-legged on the cold bathroom tile, desperately trying to steam the congestion out of my oldest son, Jackson. He was screaming like I was personally torturing him,...
How To Survive An Actual Baby's Day Out Without The Slapstick
It was precisely 10:14 AM on a Tuesday in late October, and I was standing in the parking lot of a suburban Target wearing gray yoga pants that had a highly suspicious yellow stain near the left knee, crying into...
Dear Me: Put Down the Flashcards and Let Them Be a Baby Tiger
I'm standing barefoot on a rogue plastic dinosaur, staring at a laminated stack of mandarin flashcards I bought on the internet at two in the morning, while my three-year-old is using a half-eaten waffle to paint maple syrup across my...
A Letter to Past Me About the Illusion of the Perfect Baby Swing
Hey Marcus from six months ago. It's November, it's raining in Portland again, and you're currently staring at a $250 motorized bucket that oscillates at exactly 43 beats per minute while you pray it'll silence the tiny human who has...
Before and After: Surviving the Panic of Your Kid's Baby Steps
I'm sitting on the floor of our living room. Itβs a Tuesday in late 2021, and I'm wearing a pair of black leggings that have a mystery yogurt stain crusted onto the left knee. My son, Leo, who's thirteen months...
My chaotic guide to finding an orphaned baby squirrel in your yard
The wind in Chicago in April is basically a personal insult. I was already standing in the kitchen watching my toddler have a full-scale meltdown because his morning banana had the audacity to break in half. I was mentally calculating...