Magazine
Surviving Your 4 Month Old Baby: The Truth About Sleep and Sanity
Everyone tells you that once you hit the sixteen-week mark, the clouds part and the angels sing. They call it the end of the fourth trimester, like you're suddenly crossing a finish line into this magical land of predictable naps...
The Nightly Bubble Bath Lie and Finding Safe Soap for Babies
I was standing in the middle of a Target aisle at eight o'clock at night with spit-up down my back, staring blankly at a giant wall of purple, lavender-scented bottles promising me the world. My firstborn was three months old,...
Debugging Baby Clothes For Boys: A First-Time Dad's Guide
Last Tuesday at 2:14 AM, I was staring at a pile of microscopic blue garments on the changing table, trying to calculate the exact structural integrity of a soaked cotton blend. My 11-month-old son was aggressively doing the bicycle-leg motion...
Debugging The Wardrobe: The Envelope Fold Revelation
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday when the system crashed. The baby monitor on my nightstand emitted a sound that was less of a cry and more of a wet, ominous sputtering noise. I stumbled into the nursery, bleary-eyed...
The Plastic Avalanche: A Real Parent's Guide to Better Play
The singing plastic dog went off at exactly 3:14 AM. I know the exact time because the microwave clock was glaring at me in the dark kitchen where I was standing in a milk-stained gray nursing tank, furiously shaking a...
Late Night Monitor Glitches and the Truth About Ghost Babies
My mother-in-law told me to burn sage and recite a specific prayer in the corners of the room because the house was clearly occupied. My old charge nurse from the pediatric ward texted back at three in the morning to...
The Elektrische ZahnbΓΌrste Kinder Guide: What Actually Works
At 7:14 PM last Tuesday, I was pinning my 11-month-old to the bath mat in a gentle, modified jiu-jitsu hold while a neon-green vibrating brush whirred aggressively against my left nostril. He was laughing. I was sweating. The toothpaste had...
Raising Baby Kittens With Kids: The Blunt Unfiltered Truth
I'm standing in my kitchen at 3:14 in the morning, wearing yesterday's yoga pants with a questionable crusty stain on the knee, holding a bottle smaller than my own thumb. My oldest kid, who swore up and down on his...
Why Your Strampler Baby Needs Far Less Clothes Than You Think
I remember distinctly sitting on my living room rug about four years ago, trying to wrestle my oldest sonβs chubby little newborn thigh into a pair of raw denim baby jeans. He was screaming like I was torturing him, my...