The Desperate Midnight Baby Boo Dance That Saved My Sanity
The linoleum of my kitchen floor is particularly hostile at 3:42 AM, a fact I was contemplating while aggressively swaying left-to-right with a screaming twin strapped to my chest. My shirt was damp with something I desperately hoped was only...
Raising a baby boi: When people expect a tiny, burly lumberjack
I'm currently holding my mate Daveβs six-month-old son at arm's length, waiting for the inevitable geyser of urine to subside. When you've twin girls, as I do, you get used to a certain radius of danger during nappy changes. With...
How We Survived Baby Blues Luncheonette With An 11-Month-Old
We're standing on an uneven patch of Brooklyn concrete at 10:34 AM, and I'm sweating through my flannel shirt while trying to pretend I belong here. Inside the massive glass window, a guy in a vintage beanie is slowly, methodically...
That Time I Found a Baby Black Widow in My Garage Nursery Stash
I was elbow-deep in a cracked Sterilite tub, breathing in that stale, hundred-degree Texas garage air, when a little pale thing dropped out of my oldest sonβs 2T winter sweater. It didnβt look like much of anything at first. It...
Yellowstone Panic, Iron Deficiencies, And Cooking A Baby Bison
I'm sweating entirely through my gray t-shirt. The ergonomic carrier is digging a trench into my left shoulder blade. My 11-month-old son is happily attempting to rip my nose off my face, completely oblivious to the threat matrix unfolding exactly...
The absolute terrifying truth about baby aspirin 81 mg and your child
It was 3:14 in the morning. I know this because the glowing red numbers of the digital clock were burning into my retinas while Twin A screamed with the distinct, piercing octave reserved exclusively for a new molar. Twin B...
The Baby Alien Fanbus Search That Completely Broke My Parent Brain
It was 2:14 in the freaking morning on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on our violently uncomfortable beige sectional wearing sweatpants that literally still had a crusty patch of Leoβs spit-up from circa 2020 on the left thigh. Maya,...
Baby Alien Erome: Surviving The Extraterrestrial Phase
The most insidious lie peddled to expectant parents isn't that you'll eventually sleep again, or that you'll somehow maintain your pre-baby social life (you won't, and honestly, staying in is cheaper anyway). The biggest myth is that newborns arrive looking...
The brutal code brown math of the baby 5 one piece outfit rotation
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in mid-January. The smell hits me before the crying even starts. I'm standing over the crib in the dark, and my three-month-old has somehow managed to paint himself, the sheets, and the wall behind...